Maybe I aimed for too many things, not allowing me to gain traction on any of them. You can’t chase two rabbits. Distractions, both from people and society, are also a big factor. One not having their dream house, job, or relationship can be frustrating if you put in the effort. It can even feel like things will always be out of reach.

Why can’t we achieve our goals? What is happening that I start something only to get thrown off track. I think we can both blame ourselves and the outside world. I truly believe this world is designed to keep you down. Distractions are everywhere; it is a wonder anyone can get anything done at all. You have no control over the distractions in your life, letting yourself get distracted is another story. Our lives are our own. Allowing outside forces to dictate your life is why you can’t achieve anything. I will point out four things that will answer the question “why can’t we achieve our goals”.

The Daily Grind

Just trying to keep our heads above water seems like a daunting task. First there is the daily slog to your job. A job where they give you just enough to survive, but not enough to thrive. Yes, people overspend (and that is their mistake), but this world is pricey, and companies do not help. I laugh when they want you to be happy about a 2% raise, and inflation increases by 6%. Your employer doesn’t care about you, your goals or life.

Just getting to work is a chore and yet they want everyone back in the office. The job itself usually bogs you down with useless work, to the point that you don’t feel you’ve really accomplished anything when you left.

Then there is everything else to keep the status quo. Something as simple as getting a haircut appointment these days takes an act of congress. Oil changes, doctors’ appointments, visits with family, and God forbid you have kids or an elderly parent, all drain you. Life is exhausting. The thing is, it is getting more exhausting. Technology was supposed to make our lives easier, yet all it does is add layers of bureaucracy.

Personally, I think this is done by design. If you are so distracted or nickeled and dimed by everyday life, you have no resources to build your own dreams. You are too tired to put the time where it is needed and too broke to invest in what needs to be invested in. The urgent items always take precedence over the dreams of our future. So why can’t we achieve are dreams? Because we are too busy fighting endless fires in our own life.

The Goals seem impossible

This is especially true if you have had a lot of past failures or setbacks. Some of my goals seem almost ridiculous. Maybe they are. That shouldn’t stop me from attempting them. Looking at something as unachievable, means you will not even try for it. That is the easiest way to never achieve it. We don’t stick to our goals since they seem out of reach, even when obtainable.

Getting into really good shape might seem impossible to someone who has been out of shape all their lives. The same goes for someone who has been broke, wanting to have a beautiful home and fat bank account. When something seems so far away that you can’t achieve it, you may not even start.

It doesn’t help that many people do not support others’ dreams or goals. Naysayers will blatantly tell you that you can’t do something or that it is impossible. How many people say, “be happy with what you got.” It is because these people can’t wrap their mind around an improved you. Others will mock your ambition; too many do not want to see you become a better version of yourself. If you already have doubts, those nearest to you reinforcing those doubts is another reason why we can’t achieve our goals.

We Numb ourselves with Distractions

This world sucks. It is stressful, tedious and overly busy. There are two ways out. The long way or the easy way. The easy way is tempting. It takes no effort to numb yourself with video games, food, alcohol, Television, drugs or even porn. They all feel good in the moment. They also almost always take us further from where we want to be.

The long way sucks. It is more effort, especially at first. There are usually no immediate results, just time and energy, both of which are probably already in short supply. Plus, there is no guarantee that all my effort will pay off. I could be doing all of this for nothing. For example, it would be nice if this blog got to 50K/month (at least). I can write, edit and work on it until the cows come home and still see nothing. It is just so much more tempting to open a bottle of wine and binge watch the Golden Girls (f*cking love them chicks).

Of course, we never will hit our goals if we use our time to do harmful things. I won’t just wake up at 10% body fat, I have to diet and exercise. It sucks, but every day I choose to waste on YouTube is a day further from where I really want to be. Despite how bad this world is made to distract us and put roadblocks up, we are our own worst enemies. Put in time to get the results you want.

We Don’t Put Ourselves First

Effort and consistency are what is needed to succeed. Another reason why we can’t achieve our goals is that we let other people derail us with their own priorities. It is important to be consistent for a long time in any endeavor if we want to see results. Yet, how many times do other people’s needs come first.

Even something as simple as being pressured to go out with friends can derail your evening. Spouses, parents, and kids all steal your time. The wrong partner will suck the life out of you and make you feel as if you’re hurting the family by trying to achieve something. I heard of wives not wanting their husbands to go to the gym, probably out of jealousy, but making them feel like it is taking time from their home. There were no cares given when they were in front of the television for three hours a night. I am sure men do this also; I just know of specific examples where women have.

If you let other people derail you, no matter who it is, you will never succeed. How can you have consistency when you are not only putting out your own fires, but other peoples as well. You need to set time for yourself, and unless the house is burning down (or gym, or whatever) you need to use this to work on your goals. It does not make you selfish to want to live your best life. Most of the time those that are in your way have no faith in you or worse they wish you to fail.

Some Solutions I am Playing Around With

These are some of the ideas to help me achieve what I want out of life. Just reading the above list I think I will incorporate the following:

• Minimize the grind: I know that sounds easier said than done, but it is possible. The more stuff I have the more that breaks and the more whirlwinds are created. Practice minimalism, which is something that I am attempting. Not just minimal items, but events, clubs, and even friends… my time and my energy need to be saved for my goals.
• Learn to love the Process: If I love working out, then the fear of my fitness journey being out of reach is diminished. We can only do something we hate for so long. I need to live the mindset that no matter how few people read what I write, I write because I enjoy it.
• Schedule distractions: I am not saying give up all video games or stop snorting heroin off of a hooker butt, just schedule it. Say “The only time I will watch TV is at this time after I did XY&Z”. If you know you can eat bad occasionally and not take time away from what is important you will be more likely to delay gratification.
• Set Short-Term, Non-Negotiable Goals: Break down what you are trying to accomplish in a few key things every week or day. Look at the entire mountain might be too much, focus on how many steps you want to take that day.
• Finally, Have Non-Negotiable scheduled times: People will try to steal your time and energy. Do not let them. Once you have defined what you want set up an exact time you will work on it. Nothing or no one gets to take this time.

Conclusion: Why can’t we achieve our goals

These are my two cents on why we can’t achieve our goals. Am I right or wrong, who knows. All I know is the unimportant, but urgent crap that fills my life makes me what to scream. I can’t accomplish want I want to because of so many distractions. Time is running out to be what I want to be. I need to figure this out quickly and start putting first things first.

Corporate America always was a terrible existence. The mundane work, the arse kissing, all of it is depressing. In the last five or so years it has gotten outright toxic for men. Discrimination is rampant, it is either totally ignored or outright encouraged by the DEI specialist (who make 6 figures). In the last two companies I worked for, men are treated unfairly. A strong reason why men should avoid corporate America is because success is less about how hard you worked and more about your identity. If you would like a tedious, unimportant life, where you will be quickly forgotten, ignore this post.

#1 Reason Men Should Avoid Corporate America: Your livelihood is outside of your control

While it is true that many men have made a great salary and a career in the corporate world, I have seen many more that have had the rug pulled from under them. I started this blog when my life imploded on itself. People way above my pay grade made terrible decisions and the company was forced to lay off 10% of its workforce. I was one of them. After 4 years with the same company, I clawed my way back making about 30% more than before. Well, now I am at the mercy of other hacks. A new round of job cuts due to “cash flow problems.” Meaning everything I accomplished in the last four years was meaningless.

Who will they be picking to fire? Well, they say it is performance based, but it seems all the males have the worst performance. My department has been changed, from 60% male to less than 10% male. The two males are the ones on the chopping block… what a weird coincidence.

Hard work doesn’t matter in corporate America. Looking like you’re doing something with useless PowerPoint slides and box checking is what gets you ahead. You can break your back for a year and then due to things outside your control (like your penis) you are not promoted. Your salary will inevitably be increased by 2% and you can be tossed aside by people who add no value. Companies can get away with that since they are usually living off past successes. Men should avoid corporate America because hard work doesn’t equal success.

It is Terrible for Your Health

Working in a corporation is terrible for your fitness. First by nature you sit all day. Some people even work at their desks while eating lunch, so that is 9 hours of chair time. The job itself is so mentally draining that exercising after work is difficult. It takes the life out of you. I have worked in construction and yes, my body was tired, but in corporate life my mind is shot. That is worse.

Then there is the utter unhealthy environment you are dealing with. Candy at every other desk and donuts in the breakroom are the norm. Every time management wants to give their employs a little treat it isn’t cash… no it is a pizza party, that you gobble down while talking about SAP. The breakroom is not much better. Look at this selection of goodies, nothing but crap. If they do sell a yogurt, it is usually $5- and six-months-old. Us cattle that work in corporate America love our treats. We will be humiliated and abused if there is a Supermarket cake at the end of the day.

Another reason men should avoid corporate America is the stress it brings. It is unnecessary. People screaming about reports that no one reads or arbitrary deadlines that the elites set up just to feed their own egos, it all is slowly sickening us. Waking up with dread is the worst kind of death. Stress is a huge killer, yet people will make you fear for your livelihood, for almost no reason. In corporate life we sit all day, fuel our bored minds and inactive bodies with foods meant for kindergarteners, all while stressed to the max. Is it a wonder why people in this country are so unhealthy?

Corporate work is unfulfilling

No one ever dreamed as a kid that they wanted to work in corporate marketing or finance. Yet somehow thousands of Americans do it. I spent most of my day working on a presentation no one cares about, setting up meetings to go over topics I went over 50 times and did some mundane firefighting that shouldn’t have needed to be done in the first place. It is all so unfulfilling.

People are burned-out and disconnected from their job. They don’t see how they are creating any value. Too many times, our hard work goes unnoticed and forgotten. Even if it does move the needle no one cares. I can save the company 1 million dollars but use the wrong font in a PowerPoint and get dinged. You are better off not finding and solving problems, it only causes you work and you get blamed.

Compare that to a plumber. He sees a problem, he fixes it, he gets instant results. People see the fruits of your labor when working in any skilled profession, you aren’t just a cog in the wheel. In my job, I get paid pretty good money, but I feel like I did nothing. No work is easy, and it is true the primary goal of work is to pay the bills. The soul crushing life of going day after day, year after year feeling like nothing you did matters takes its toll on you.

Corporate Life is discriminatory

Men should avoid corporate life because discrimination against them is commonplace. It might be getting better with the most recent elections, by I can’t count on it. The damage has been done. Companies clearly brag about the number of women managers they have. Even going so far as to openly state that being a woman gives one a leg up. Of course, the men at the top would never give up their jobs for a woman. if someone earns the title of manager, great… but it should be based on merit alone.

Men are treated like secondhand citizens in a corporation. Hard work and competency come second to gender. It kind of shows just how useless these higher positions are. People are not hired on merit; they are hired on what is between their legs. Not always of course, but the push is more women in leadership, another way of saying we discriminate against men,

Finally, it created Weak Men

Look around at your fellow coworkers, how many can you honestly say lifted a weight in their life? Maybe a portion are runners, but skinny fat, not healthy. The vast majority of men in corporate life have giant bellies and skinny arms. Do you know why the bathroom stalls are filled with dudes that don’t mind shitting where other people can see them through the cracks? Because their wives won’t let them shit at home. They are bossed around all night and weekend by their wife and kids and then told what to do by their manager during the week.

Honestly the higher ups need weak, dependent men. “Yes sir, no ma’am, no it is ok I will work late”. All the cries of a weak corporate hack of a man. There are exceptions (me) but they usually run into roadblocks in their career. More likely than not the ones that succeed have he/her next to their name and play the game better. Most of these corporations fail eventually because of weakness in leadership. Someone far superior to them built the business, then these guys swindled their way to the top to eventually ruin it.

Men Should Avoid Corporate America

Don’t be the guy (like me) who spends 25 years figuring out corporate life is a scam for men. Spend a little time if you must, using them for the benefits and an income, but always be building something else. Develop a skill that will give you multiple streams of income. Don’t waste the pennies they give you in a bar, invest in Real estate, dividends stocks, knowledge or whatever else will improve your life.

If I can go back in time, I would tell my younger self to spend every extra dime developing cash flow (not wasted it on women). Spend every extra hour building skills and a side business. Yes, try to advance in your career, by being so valuable they can’t fire you. That is not the end game. This is how I would have spent my twenties and possibly my thirties. Friends, dating, the wrong people, marrying the wrong people all set me back. I am doing fine, now, but I am still in the trap. Time is not your friend, act like the rest of your life depends on it. It does.

Society seems to be out to get us men. The powers that be set up this world to distract us and make us as useless as possible so we can be milked for all you’re worth. Video games are just one example of this. You should give up video games because they offer very few benefits in the long run. Sure, if you are going to be the League of Legends champion (they get all the women) ignore this post. If you are inspired to do something with your life, then keep reading. I will lay out why you should give up video games.

Video Games Waste Time

When you are young you think you have all the time in the world. This is why you feel you can spend hours playing a fantasy game that takes you nowhere. Looking back, that time can be better spent doing 1000 different things. Imagine if you play 5 hours of video games every other night. Roughly, 15 hours a week. This is conservative compared to what I have seen some people play. In a year that is 780 hours of video games. That works out to about 33 days of your life gone every year. With nothing to show for it. This is why you need to give up or at least cut down on video games.

What else can you be doing with this time? If you found a way to make $20/hour in that time that is 15K a year. Even if you use the time to learn a new skill or read a book you will be lightyears ahead of other people your age. If you are 22 years old (although I know grown men addicted to video games), think of your life in ten years. Imagine having an extra 100K plus in the bank because you didn’t want to waste your time shooting a stranger in a fake world.

I know what you might say, there are other habits just as bad, or worse (TV for example). No doubt. You should limit or eliminate TV also. Video games have other negatives that make them even worse than other time sucking activities.

Video Games Give You a False Sense of Accomplishment

People feel (momentarily) great when they beat that next level or win that next game. I remember when I was a kid playing Legend of Zelda. Beating a boss made me so happy, for a little bit. Once I beat the game there is almost a sense of emptiness and a feeling of “for what”? What did I accomplish. It is not like I am putting Zelda Champion on my resume. I gained no real skills, yet I feel like I did something.

Today’s games are even worse. They are designed to make you keep playing indefinitely. There is always another level, another game. If you catch up too quickly an upgrade will make you have something else to aspire to. It never ends. Well until the sequel comes out or the next big thing. Then you are back to square one. I do not care how good you are at Minecraft; you are a legend in your own mind. History books aren’t filled with stories about Video game champions. Remember most games are designed to allow you to advance. When you do you are not special, you are part of the marketing campaign.

Video Games are Addictive

Video games are addicting in ways that other time-wasting activities are not. Yes, people spend hours watching TV, but I never was so lost in thought as when I played video games. It is amazing how a generation of kids with ADHD can spend 5 hours totally engrossed in a video game. Do not get it twisted you should give up video games because they are addictive. Hit the link to read the article that explains more.

Maybe it isn’t a physical addiction like OxyContin, but it can have the same outcome. I have seen relationships ruined and people lose their jobs because all they did was play Video Games. This one dude I know was making $40K max a year. He was going through a divorce (one of those rare men who I blame). Yet this guy had the nerve to brag about having $15K worth of crap for his imaginary game. Worst of all, I have never even heard of this game. He played a game that was irrelevant, and in turn made himself irrelevant. All to feed his addiction.

You Aren’t Facing Reality

Video games are a form of escapism. When you aren’t facing reality in your life, you are doomed to failure. People engrossed in video games will brag about how good they are in Maddon but can’t run a half of a mile. They believe they are athletes or soldiers, when in reality they are losers. Getting rich in a video game means nothing, if you are working a dead-end job.

People’s lives suck so bad that they disappear into a fantasy world while slipping further behind in their own reality. I get it, success is hard. Life wasn’t made to be beaten, at least easily. You can do everything right and still lose. There is no reset button, no saving your progress and it sure isn’t as fun as a headshot. Still if you want a fulfilling life, you must face reality. You must keep going, no cheat codes, not one online tip on how to get to the next level. Just the grind.

So, put down the controller and fix your relationships. Get in the gym, fuck get some sleep. The extra time you gain from not playing video games and facing your problems is priceless. You cannot get that back.

Conclusion: Why You Should Give up Video Games

I am not saying never pick up a controller again, there is a time and a place to relax. What I am saying is if you do not have your shit together you need to give up video games. Like anything bad for us, junk food, TV, beer, or meth a little probably won’t kill you (well maybe with meth it will), but it will ruin your life in excess. The worst part is you won’t even know it is happening.

One day you will turn around and see you went nowhere for the last decade. The game you were so great at has 5 new versions or isn’t even played anymore. You gained nothing but 30lbs because you wanted to escape reality and not face your life.

This is not meant to be an anti-women post or even an anti-dating post. I still believe relationships can work. Having said this, the dating world, especially in the last 3-5 years has changed. It is as if there is simultaneously a huge uptick in jaded, hurt women and lonely men. So many guys I know just checked out, the damage done to them was too great.

So why are single men giving up on women? The reason is simple, the game is rigged against us, “us” meaning the men who are looking for relationships. They have been hurt and degraded to the point where it just isn’t worth it anymore. All the time watching those who juggle multiple women thrive. Even the best of us know dating is risky, so much can go wrong.

This in a nutshell is why single men are giving up on dating. I never do anything condensed so I will write out a list and you can relate and chime in. Maybe some women can read this and understand the cesspool that they helped create. Why good men have checked out and why the ladies keep ending up with arseholes.

The Average (or Even Above Average Man Feels Rejected)

Dating sites have made it impossible for a lot of men. It is difficult for me at times, and I play the game decently. One woman I went out with admitted, even a below average girl has 100 guys in her queue. Of course, they will continue to trade up. Ask any man how many women he has to choose from, two or three at a time is nice. I can quote the studies like this one here, that points out 80% of women go for the top 20%.

The women wonder why they keep getting cheated on. They pick only the best of the best, leaving other quality men behind, so many good-looking dudes, that are looking for a relationship, with good jobs are just not finding any matches. I wrote an article here “why are so many young men single”, basically stating this point. All the women want the top dog, (or the guy who convinces them he is). Unfortunately, not all of us can make 400K and have a six pack. I am not giving men an out to be useless. Still, ladies stay at your level, there needs to be a point of good enough.

Women Cheat as Much as Men (or more)

I am quoting an article here, which states that women are now more likely to cheat then men. This can be confirmed by many of the guys I meet. Just last week a friend of mine’s twenty (plus) years marriage ended, of course not by his choice, but he paid the price. He suspected his wife was cheating most of the time.

There is nothing more degrading to a guy than being cheated on. Yet it is so commonplace that it is becoming excused or even encouraged (for woman). Men are giving up on dating because even if he does get someone, getting cheated on is all too possible.

There Are Limited Options

I heard the ratio of men to women on dating sites is something like 70% to 30%. I am sure that is not even taking into consideration how many fake scammers profiles are out there. Everywhere I go, parties, bars, or festival, it seems like it is a sausage fest. The reason why single men are giving up on dating is the numbers are working against us.

I can do fine when I am in person with a woman, but it is like finding Big foot. I know they make up 50% of the population, but I must be going to the wrong areas. Women have a million choices; men feel as if they are digging for scraps. It is just easier to stay single.

The Choices we do have are Terrible

Men and women in this country have let themselves go. The ugly to attractive ratio is very unfavorable. Almost everyone is fat, dresses poorly, and has questionable hygiene. Unfortunately, given there are less women out there we are forced to date down.

I have no problem dating someone slightly less attractive than me (OK a little problem). They have to be at least somewhat attractive. Even that is hard to find. Add to this they have the personality of a hyena, and it is just too much effort. There are few girls out there, and many of the ones that are out there are not worth pursuing.

Why single men are giving up on dating: Nice Guys Finishing Last

The nice guy syndrome or being too available is killing dating for men. Yes, too many men are bending over backwards to please women, but these days being decent is looked upon as being “too nice.” No one should elevate a woman to a status above themselves. That isn’t always what is happening. Women are so screwed up that unless they are given a nightly back hand we are “too nice.”

Men are sick of hearing “all men are assholes” only to get into the friendzone. I just went on a few dates with a girl who stayed years with an ex-boyfriend who was a drug addict and stole money from her. Then she turns around and attempts to friendzone me (told her I have enough friends). This was not a 9 or a 10, rather a 6 after 3 beers. She was a train wreck and her choices confirmed this.

We Like Our Freedom

Did you ever think men are rejecting the dating scene because the juice isn’t worth the squeeze? I like to play poker on Thursdays. Hit the gym when I want. Pick up random girls. All this is fun. Yes, a meaningful relationship would be nice, but since women have made it so difficult, I will settle for enjoying my time and money without them.

There is something to be said for doing whatever the hell you want whenever you want it. I see too many guys get bossed around by their wives and girlfriends. I do think a relationship is worth it, I am just not going to sell my soul to get one.

They Have been Ruin by Women

A lot of men these days have been burned one too many times. Whether it is being cheated on or broken up with for no good reason, it is a reoccurring theme. How many times do you have to stub your toe before you turn on the light. My last two breakups were extremely painful. It certainly made me more gun-shy in the future.

Go through enough of these and it starts to hit your self-esteem. Yes, you can “work on yourself” and always should. Even at one’s best we can be blindsided. I work with a group of divorced men, most of their stories are gut-wrenching they readily admit to never wanting to date again.

Lack of Effort from Women

Another reason why single men are giving up on dating is the nonexistent effort of their partners. This is a big one for a lot of us. Women truly do not give two sh*ts these days. We are always expected to pay, yes, some reach for the check, but let them grab it and you never see them again. Women contact men less and are more entitled than ever. I match their energy, if it fizzles, I am out. The problem is they get attention from 1000 different men. They think there is no need for effort.

These same women go on to complain there aren’t any good ones left. It is like they say, “We tried nothing, and it didn’t work.” Part of me is done with the flakes. I am not trying to ‘earn” love from some 40-year-old real estate agent. If you are good to me, I will give you all the attention you need, but I am not diving for someone who doesn’t put in the effort.

It is Expensive

Let’s face it, men make the investment in the relationship. The first date is usually paid for by the man. I am under the belief that the person doing the asking should pay. Since 99 times out of 100 the man asks the woman, we are always paying.

Well, that isn’t cheap. The other night I took this chick to an Italian restaurant. It was mediocre, like most of my area. I wasn’t even drinking, and the bill was $130. That’s fine but do that 5-6 times a month and it is almost a mortgage on a rental property.

Given we make the investment, the women do not have any skin in the game. How many stories like this one do we need to hear? Women will go out with someone just for a free meal. We invest our hard earn money for someone who has no interest. I am better off paying a hooker.

Marriage is Too Risky

A lot of men do not want to date today because the idea of marriage is too risky. Most divorces are started by women, yet the laws are against men. How many times do we need to see our friends fight to see their kids or lose more than half their money before we get the hint?

I am not one of those people who think marriage should be avoided. Having said this, I do, however, understand why some people think this way. I went through a divorce, I lost a lot, more than just money. Many men think dating should lead to marriage; they do not want to go down that road.

Men Are Sick of the Games

Even if a woman wants to be with you, there are plenty of hoops to jump through. One major reason why single men are giving up on dating is we are done with the games. People, both men and women treat dating like some type of battle of wills. Women are especially bad with this. Telling a guy, she isn’t interested then being pissed when he doesn’t pursue her. All this hot and cold BS gets old. I do not remember these issues when I was younger, maybe TikTok has screwed things up.

We have lives to live, we do not have time to deal with someone who is hot one minute cold the next. So, I will ask, why can’t things just be simple? Why do we have to jump through hoops to go on a date? Why are we being stood up at the last minute? Lastly, why do you pop back into our lives after leaving? Just some things for you women to ponder.

Women are Sharing Men

There are less opportunities because women would rather share a “quality” guy then date a regular one. Sometimes they know about it, others, they do not. Everyone thinks they deserve the cream of the crop. This creates a market where the top 5% get all the action. Personally, I am up for this challenge, but it does create a situation where you can’t fall off your game for a second.

We all know the story of the married guy with a girlfriend on the side. When a guy has three women it screws up the ratios. If you can do it more power to you, but since ladies are more and more likely to aim for the top, those at the bottom get screwed.

Men Are Sick of Being Blamed for the Worlds Problems

A reason why single men are staying single is too many times in a relationship we are the bad guy. Obviously if we cheat, we are wrong. On the other hand, if the woman cheats, we didn’t give them enough attention (according to society). We can’t clean well enough, we don’t help out enough, the nagging goes on and on.

It feels like everywhere one turns the men are the bad guys, so it is easier to just check out. No matter how much we try (and yes, not all of us do) it isn’t good enough. We hear it from society, from work how women are both simultaneously strong and brave while also the perpetual victim of the “patriarchy.” There comes a time when it is just easier to stop dating.

Men have Dropped the Ball

This one is on (many) of us. Many men are forced into being single because they have nothing to offer. It is like they failed to realize there is another human being on the opposite side of the relationship. If you want a woman, be something worth dating.

Yes, it is difficult to find a good one, but if you have any chance of finding someone worth being with you need to level up. You know the drill, get your money right, lose the belly, hit some weights etc… Trust me, Call of Duty will be there when you return.

Men Want Peace

This all adds up to men wanting a more peaceful life. Dating has become toxic for us. So many guys are sick of being rejected, mocked, tricked and told we are the problem. It isn’t worth it. We hear your message and are listening, isn’t that what you always wanted from us, to listen?

This goes to the root cause of why single men are giving up on dating. All the effort and sacrifice are wasted. Women you have destroyed the dating pool. Of course, we helped. There are a bunch of terrible dudes out there as well. Ladies always seem to pick those guys. Then treat the people who care like crap. Well, you win. So many of us are building our bank accounts and bodies, maybe sleeping with the occasional 2 am bar girl. Dating just ruins our peace, you need to change unless you want this trend to continue.

Conclusion: Why Single Men are Giving up on Dating

I still think the game is worth playing, but I understand why so many men are staying single. It feels like it is rigged. Too many times we are the bad guys, or we are paying for women’s poor choices. A good relationship could be rewarding, but the costs are getting increasingly too high.

The fact that a woman has kids without a partner doesn’t make her a bad person in and of itself. There are plenty of situations where they get screwed (literally and figuratively) by some guy leaving them holding 50lbs of a crying mess. This is not an attack on single mothers, no need to bash them. They aren’t (all) bad people, they just make terrible partners (more often than not).

Now that I said that, no, a childless man should never date a single mother. Unless you are just having fun, there is no reason to complicate your life like this. I have done it; it rarely works out well. Even at my age of 47 there are plenty of women without kids. Yeah, childless women in their late 30’s-40s’ have their own set of problems, but oh well. Let me give you the 12 Reasons why you should never date single mothers

1 Why you Should Never Date Single Mothers: All the Responsibility, none of the Discipline

Imagine this scenario, little Jonny hits you in the back of your head with his sippy cup and tells you to f*ck off. Now of course if that was my kid a backhand would be a-comin. No, not here, little Jonny could do no wrong in mommies eyes and we aren’t allowed to discipline him. These kids can walk all over you and you can’t say a damn thing.

You are not supposed to discipline another person’s child, regardless of how bad they are behaving. Now, on the other hand, mom is getting tequila with the girls, you have to babysit. Little Jonny’s fat arse needs a ride to soccer practice so he can sit on the sidelines. It’s all you. You see you are responsible for this kid, but you can’t discipline him.

It is like if you are at a museum and he breaks something, you are paying. How did he get that way in the first place? No rules were put on him. It is the worst of both worlds. You are only there when it is convenient for the single mother. Don’t date a single mother and put yourself through that.

2 Dealing with Fathers

As mentioned, try disciplining another man’s kid and see how it turns out. Even outside of that do you really want to see the man who banged your girl stopping by your house and rummaging through your things? Eighty percent of the time the guy is rightfully bitter because the courts took his kids from him. You’re some dude that is getting in the way of a happy family.

Playing stepdaddy might seem cute until you realize the real dad is over there. I have never seen the situation be a good one. There is always animosity between the dad and the new guy. This may be your home, yet someone else has a say as to how it is run, I’ll pass on that one.

3 They Have No Time

I like dating women without kids, I want a drink on a Tuesday morning, I call her and say let’s roll. If I want to go away for the weekend, it is not a problem. Try this with a single mommy. Nope there is a PTA meeting or some stupid cr*p like that. The same thing would happen if it was your kid, but it is your kid.

It is like planning the invasion of Normandy if you want to go on a date. We need a babysitter or check with the kid’s dad. There is always something. Not having the time for you is yet another reason why you should never date single mothers.

4. The Kids Always Come First.

Go on a dating site and read the profiles of single mothers. First sentence is “I have three kiddos (women please stop saying that) who always come first”. Just what I want, someone in my life who is already putting others in front of me.

Can I put other people in front of her…. OHHHH NO. Kids are different. Agreed, they are. So, I will pass on playing second fiddle. Their feelings matter more. Their time matters more, and she will always do what is best for them, even at the expense of you. You aren’t a partnership. You are a sap. Do not sign up to be second (or third, fourth, f*ck even the dog is probably more important than you) just go with a childless woman.

5. Don’t Date Single Moms: You Might Like (and lose) the Kid

Picture this scenario, little Jonny isn’t an arse hole but a good kid. You date his mother and you’re one big happy family. Everything is going great, you play catch, walk him to his school bus, take him to strip clubs, you know whatever it is fathers and sons do. Then BAM. Mom wants to trade up.

What chance do you have of ever seeing that kid again? None. Hell, if a biological father could be forced to go months if not years without seeing his kids, you will never see him. Everyone focuses on the burden a kid brings, but if you actually start to treat him like family, his loss will hurt just as bad. Now you have to deal with losing the girl and the kid. This after you put in the effort.

6. The Mother might Have Questionable Morals

This one will piss off some of the mothers, but the truth is the truth. Don’t date single mothers because some have questionable morals. Yes, NOT ALL DO, every circumstance is different, but they definitely lean towards bad choices, if not disgusting behavior.

To start with, they may have picked the wrong person to have kids with one (or many) terrible dudes. Now they are settling for you. This does not mean they will stop sleeping with these other guys, just that they are settling. Already they have poor judgement. A second scenario is they broke up a happy family to see what else is out there. Most divorces are caused by women and no the men aren’t (all) terrible. The women get bored and want to “live their best life”. No one needs that kind of person. Yes, there are other scenarios, but the above are all too common.

7. Money

Who wants less money? I mean a lot less. Anyone who takes on the “responsibility” of being a stepdad. If you’re a single dude, why are you wasting your money on someone else’s kids. I can’t tell you how many people who I ran into that are dealing with fathers that do not pay for anything. Even if they do the mother will use the child support to buy clothes and make you buy groceries. It is madness.

Every vacation, every movie night there are one, two, or three extra mouths to feed. Who do you think is ponying up for a babysitter? I have even heard of women that try to get their DATES to pay for a sitter. Nope, not my mistake, not my responsibility. Don’t date single mothers unless you hate watching your bank account grow.

8. You Are an Outsider

Let’s face it, you are the odd man out in any relationship with a single mother. The kids want the family the way it was. They have a history. You do not. You’re just some dude stepping into a place the kids don’t want you to. You will always be an outsider.

When you are cast aside, you are alone. The kids will forget about you. I cannot imagine a relationship where there is a unit, and I am on the outside of this unit. Hell, even the cat will look at you as someone weaseling into their territory. F*ck the pets and the feeling of being an onlooker, Start your own unit.

9. Proof of Her Past

This one might be more specific to me, but I am a bit jealous. I know most of the women these days have a body count higher than Rambo, but I do not need proof. Do we really need the trophy of her former man’s conquests sticking their hands in your cereal box? Everyone has a past; I do not need to see it.

10. Why you Don’t Date Single Mothers: Too Many Complications

All of this leads to too many complications. Kids complicate life. You accept that when they are yours, this is the unit you created. Why sign up to be distracted by another’s issues? Relationships work best when they are easy. Yes, there will always be tough times, but someone else’s kids make them tougher.

You’ll know where you stand or what your place is. Your life, goals, dreams come second to people who can be ripped from you. All of this blended family cr*p is a lie. Your parents, relatives and friends will never look at them like they are yours. All you get is a complication if you sign up to be with a single mother

11. You Could Be Legally Responsible

Say you are merely dating a woman, move her and her spawn into your home. Things are going great until you catch her in a three way with the neighbor and the guy who works at Starbucks. She moves out, case closed right… Not so Fast.

I pulled this definition from this site here: Because of this, a legal parent who is not biologically related to the child but has played a significant role in the child’s life may be responsible for child support if they divorce or separate from the child’s biological parent. Other terms for this would be “equitable paternity,” and “parentage by estoppel.” Obviously, each state has different laws, I am saying it is a possibility.

If you played a “significate role” (wtf does that mean), you could be held responsible. Sounds fair right? Of course you will never see the kid again but your wallet is smaller. The laws are never on the side of men. Just another risk to dating a single mother.

12. You Will Never Be Their Father

This one will hurt. You aren’t their dad. You will never be their dad. I know someone who calls them “his kids.” They call him by his first name. No matter how many lifetime movies say otherwise, you are not their father.

This is especially true when the dad is in the picture. He will always be number one. No matter how many Playstations you buy or trips to the zoo you make. That’s their dad… and most likely that is who they want tucking them in at night.

It gets even more painful with your woman. If you and her never have kids she will have a bond with her ex that you cannot match. The father of her kids. You are always running behind. Do not fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

Conclusion: 12 Reasons Why you Should Never Date Single Mothers

That is my revamp version of why you should never date single mothers. There are exceptions perhaps, and I will mention them in another post. For now, if you can avoid it, do not be a piggy bank for a single mother. Find a younger woman you can grow your life with.

This does not mean I am putting a ring on it after the first date. Obviously at the beginning, it doesn’t make sense to be exclusive. How many dates until you become exclusive? This is a personal choice, but for me, after four or five dates I will put other women on the backburner. I will also start feeling her out to see if she is dating anyone else. This is especially true if we are meeting up (biblically). This isn’t any huge level of commitment; it just means I take the distractions out of it. Let me break down why I feel this way.

First Assume Nothing

People love loopholes, never assume exclusivity, unless you enjoy unpleasant surprises. You can be two months in, sleeping together like rabbits, yet she has a FWB on the side. Technically she did nothing wrong but is this really the way you want to start a relationship? It is better to get your cards on the table, than to get hit with a surprise.

Ask her about exclusivity, if she tells you no, or that she is dating other people, then you have all the information that you need. It is up to you how you want to proceed. Personally, it would disqualify someone if they were dating around. It is not like I care about the competition; it is that if she is still looking at other options after four or five dates, then she clearly can’t choose wisely. Bottom line it is better to ask than to assume.

What Do I mean By Dating Exclusively?

For me it is exactly what it sounds like. I am not talking about going to farmers markets and meeting the parents. Just not f*cking other people or dates that is where it ends. You can get to all the other stuff eventually; we can just concentrate on each other until we figure it out.

People act like being exclusive is some huge commitment. You can change your mind at any time, I guess you can do that with marriage as well, but not easily. How much effort is it to NOT sleep with someone else for a couple of weeks until you figure things out?

Why I Become Exclusive After a Few Dates

There is an old Chinese saying. You can’t chase two rabbits. There are people, some whose advice I generally agree with, who say you should date multiple people. I’ve done it, I do not find it optimal. It is too expensive and it takes up too much of my time. Right off the bat I know which woman I am leaning toward anyway, then it feels like I go through the motions with the other ones.

If I did not “have the talk” after date three or four and she slept with someone I would be out. Yes, she didn’t do anything wrong, she can sleep with anyone she wants; you weren’t exclusive. The thing is I am also allowed to leave for whatever reason I want… We both have the right to make our choices. Call me weird, but sleeping with other people is as good of reason as any to disqualify someone.

Can You Be Exclusive Too Soon

So, can you be exclusive too soon? It depends on the people involved, but sometimes it feels a bit rushed. If you are on the first date it is probably weird to have that talk. I have had fantastic first dates, but I am not becoming exclusive after them. Patients will go a long way in relationships. These days there are so many rules, and you will more likely chase them away if you are trying to be exclusive too quickly.

There should be three or four people in your queue when you just start dating someone. I personally know fairly quickly if I will be putting them on the back burner. Sometimes we get too much in our own head about these things.

Men Invest More than Women

I feel like men have a lot more invested than women when it comes to dating in the beginning. No matter how much of a Chad you are, your dating queue doesn’t look like even the average woman’s mailbox. Additionally, we are investing more in terms of money at the start of a relationship as well. I would hate to put in both time and money, only to find out the person wants to date around. Call me selfish, but if I am putting in an investment, I am the only one who should be collecting the dividends. If I am on the fourth date, spending money on someone, it would be a deal breaker if she is sleeping with her unemployed pot smoking neighbor.

My Rules for How Many Dates Until You Become Exclusive?

So, for me, it is more of a feeling than anything, but if I had to quantify it, I would say here are my rules 1) If we are sleeping together (not a one-night stand), while dating I pretty much expect exclusivity. Of course, the conversation will be had, but still, it should be obvious.

2) If I have invested any decent amount of money and time into this (5 or 6 dates) then yes, personally I would think we should be exclusive. Not putting a label on it, just something to build on. 3) Also, if we are seeing each other more days during the week than not, then I will have the talk. That really shouldn’t be the case in the beginning (or ever) 4). Lastly, if I am meeting her friends or family (and vice versa) then we need to have that conversation. It would be humiliating to introduce someone to my friends, only for them to run into her on another date.

What The Experts Say

Once again, these modern dating “experts” chime in and over complicate things. I have read several different theories on how many dates you should go on to be exclusive. Many articles say wait 3 months, like this one here. All I have to ask is… why? What is the upside to sleeping around when trying to build a relationship with another person?

If you become exclusive and a bunch of red flags emerge (like the one mentioned here), get the hell out. It is not like I told you to sell your soul to this person, just don’t f*ck anyone else. As mentioned, it is not that big of a sacrifice. Really, if you can’t even commit to exclusivity to someone you are sleeping with then why bother? Today there are too many choices and people are always looking for what is better out there. Somehow, we have more choices, more “rules” yet more single miserable people.

Conclusion: How Many Dates Until You Become Exclusive?

You know my take on it, make a choice and stick with it until they disqualify themselves or we move forward. If you are trying to actually have a relationship in this year, then not sleeping around usually goes a long way. Just my two cents, would love to hear opposing arguments.

Funny thing, I broke a lot of my own rules. I wrote this article here regarding breakups, and yet I didn’t take the advice (to my own peril). You can know what to do and still mess up. I showed too much emotion. Dated too quickly. On top of this I still wanted her to return. Rereading it reminded me that you have to build a life based on your new reality, not with what you thought would happen.

This is not to say I sent endless texts to win her back. I did cut off contact with her, but it was harder than I thought. It is important to self-reflect and dwell on the lessons men learn after a breakup. At this point in my life, I should be a book of knowledge.

1. Lessons Men learn after a breakup: Women can be Savage

There was a huge disconnect between the person I thought I was dating and the person that left me. This is a theme I have seen countless times. One day she is acting like an amazing partner (literally the day before) the next she is ushering me out of her life. For a sex that is so emotional, they can shut it off on a dime. It is unreal.

Once the conversation happened, it was 15-minutes, I was out the door, and it was over. She said I will call you later. That was a 5-minute call. From talking every day and seeing each other a few times a week to nothing. I don’t have it in me, they do. I have seen this before, I got to give the women credit, they can be savage.

2. There is Nothing You could have done (Sometimes)

One of the major things I realized after this recent breakup was there was nothing I could have said or done after the decision was made to change her mind. Sometimes that is not the case, if the man messes up (IE cheated, abuse etc..), what’s funny is that type of girl is more likely to give someone a chance that is terrible to them than the one who treats them well. You can be as good to her as possible, and still get tossed.

I was told as she was shuffling me out of the door, I have all the qualities she was looking for in a man. We never fought, but it was her “issue”. I know most people think it isn’t you it’s me is BS, but I might believe it in this case. If a woman is 43 and has been single for 10-years, then yes, it is her. For me there was no reconciling how well we got along and her leaving. No letter, no text, no phone call will change their mind in most cases. When they are done, they are done.

3. I need to learn to Notice the Signs

Even though I thought this relationship was what I wanted, small red flags did emerge, things that I ignored. When someone tells you who they are, listen. There were small conversations like, “we shouldn’t plan a trip that is too far into the future” or telling me she is “guarded” from previous relationships. This woman had issues I decided not to see. One needs to address these early.

Many times, a man doesn’t want to rock the boat, because things are seemingly so good. I was guilty of talking myself out of facing the person she was. If a person has been damaged, they will react irrationally. I let little comments and actions slide, deciding to see what I wanted to. Do not be blindsided, no matter how well things are going keep an eye out for negative patterns.

4. Learned my Own Weaknesses

One of the lessons men learn after a breakup is they (hopefully) figure out their own shortcomings. When I am into someone, I get too into them, and they know it. That is an issue. I let my guard down, thinking we were on the same page, when we weren’t in the same library. If you show your cards too early, even if you believe this person will never leave, they will lose attraction.

Bad mistake. So many people say, “treat them terribly.” I am starting to believe it. If I did anything wrong, I took a woman who has never been treated right and treated her the way (I thought) she deserved. Maybe it was a turn off and she lost interest, maybe she was so screwed up that she didn’t understand it. Whatever the case it worked against me. It was pushing Simp territory, that couldn’t have helped.

I also learned so many of the topics I write about are easier said than done. No, I did not bombard her with text, as mentioned I did write her (twice) one text a week later and an email. I also went on a few dates within the first few weeks, after saying that was a bad idea. There is a reason why I told myself not to do these things. They were all counterproductive.

5. Lessons Men learn after a breakup: I Know more about what I want

It is kind of funny the sh*t I put up with in my previous relationships. This last one showed me a lot of good things. Such as what I need when dating someone. Her actually acting like a partner is one of the top criteria. Before this last one I was married to someone that never wanted to go to social situations and at times even acknowledged my existence. I found I need someone that enjoys acting like a couple.

No, she wasn’t perfect, but this past relationship taught me what I can live with and what I couldn’t. Too many times we jump into something that isn’t good and try to make the best of it. That is a foolish way of thinking. Know what you are looking for and do not settle for less. If you can’t find it, then improve yourself until you can. I am not saying have a list of unrealistic criteria, just do not skimp on the important things.

6. You can’t Save People

Thinking back, it was like I was going to swoop in and be the white knight, a god damn hero. This was to feed my own ego. The last person I dated told me all about how poorly she was treated, I took that as a challenge, “I got you” I thought. Funny thing is, yes, I treated her better than anyone in her life (her words). That didn’t stop her from leaving. You cannot save those who won’t be saved. People mess up their own lives and you cannot prevent it.

I remember I dated an alcoholic once (read more about it here). Having grown up with a drunk I thought I can help. What a dumb thought process. Also, why? People rarely change. They repeat the same patterns from the past. All you end up doing is dragging yourself down. You can’t help people; this is one of those lessons’ men learn after a breakup. Try to be a white night and get stabbed in the front.

7. You Will Live

Honestly, this breakup sucked. I still miss the girl, but it was harder than I thought the first two weeks. Maybe medicating with a random helps a bit, but sometimes you have to roll through it. Then you hit a day where you are like, fine this still sucks, but I can function. This wasn’t my path.

You learn from it, what mistakes did I make? What did I miss? As mentioned in the previous paragraph what is it, I want. Breakups happen, hell they happened to me more than I would like. Sometimes there is closure, sometimes there is not. Sometimes they come back but live your life like they won’t. This isn’t the first time this sh*t happened; it won’t be the last.

Conclusion: Lessons Men Learn after a Breakup

If I learn a lesson every time a woman screws you over, I should be more knowledgeable than f*cking Google. Still don’t let the searing pain go to waste. I am assuming eventually I will meet up with someone worthy. Getting women is a lot easier than most men make it out to be. Don’t waste your time thinking about the wrong one. On the other hand, keeping can be bit tricky. I just need a better vetting process.

Whether you are in your 20’s or more likely 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s, there are things you should be aware of. I have learned some lessons the hard way, so you won’t be blindsided. One fact is certain, the old dating tactics do not work. This isn’t the 90’s anymore, the landscape has changed. Below are the things I learned and are some of my best tips for men dating after a divorce.

Make Sure Your Ex is Out

As much as reasonably possible, keep your ex-wife out of your life. Obviously kids make it more difficult, but if you want to start dating, she will cause issues in your new relationship. I do not know why so many ex-wives think it is ok to break up a marriage and then hang around just to ruin any future relationships. I allowed this to happen for a long time.

My desire to get back what I lost compounded the problem. I see this, too many times. You meet someone new and then the ghosts of your past start creeping in. Your ex just wants the attention you gave her without the responsibility of being in a relationship. Take it from someone who has been there, cut her loose if you want to move on.

Know What You are Looking For

Just want to hook up? Cool. Actually, looking to get remarried (It is your funeral). Dating is a game these days, how you approach this game depends on your ultimate goals. As long as you are honest with everyone involved, you can do what you want. Too many people are dishonest, the truth will go a long way.

You need to be truthful with yourself as well. Friends (especially married ones) will tell you to “just use these chicks.” It doesn’t matter what your friends say, relatives, or some random guy writing a blog. What are you looking for? Knowing this lets you navigate the situation and disqualify people easier. One of the best tips for men dating after a divorce is to understand your own goals.

Have Yourself Together

If your life is a train wreck, you will not attract anyone worth dating. Maybe if you are trying to just hook up fine, but not if you are trying to get more. Divorce fucks things up. Financially, emotionally, and physically. After my divorce my health was ruined (gained like 20lbs), my head was screwed with, and my money situation was terrible. No one wants that in their life.

What are you going to do, put on your dating profile, “hi I am John, I am broke and fat come get some.” Get your life in order before trying to date. Women should not be the priority anyway. Your own success and happiness comes first, then start dating.

Know Your Deal Breakers

I personally do not want to date single mothers, unless under extreme circumstances. It is my preference given the problems the situation can cause. You need to know what kind of bullsh*t you are willing to accept. Make a list out, on it put all of your deal breakers. Once again this makes people easier to disqualify.

It is important to not assume anything. If you don’t want to be dating someone that is dating multiple people, then this needs to be addressed. Understanding what you do not want is as important as what you want. Figure out the traits that are non negotiable, do not just jump on the first warm body that comes along.

Understand there is Less Quality out There

The amount of quality women, without kids, who are reasonably attractive are few and far between as we get older. We all have baggage, it is just that some of these women were born at the luggage store. You will find that they are just out of a divorce or never married at 40 in which case they are serial daters. They also put their careers above anything else, as if we care about that.

You can date younger, which is certainly an option, but for me I have a minimum age I will go. 25-year-olds tend to be morons. Add to this the ones that go after 45+ men will cause too many problems and have daddy issues. They may be fun for a night, but not if you are dating to obtain a permanent partner. You definitely need to know your deal breakers, but you may have to accept you may not get everything.

What is difficult to swallow is these women now have higher standards, even though they are of lower quality. While in their forties, you need to have X amount of money and be 6Ft, but they can look however they want. The dynamic has changed, this is why so many men have dropped out of the dating market.

It Will be Harder to Meet people in Person

Don’t try to meet someone at your job unless you hate your career and money. Yes, it still happens, but it causes more trouble than it is worth. Women are also much less approachable. There are ways to meet women in person, which I will get to in a future post, but you may have to embrace … dare I say it, online dating.

I mention this tepidly, because I go back and forth as to whether you should use this approach. It works eventually, I met both my ex-wife and my current girl on Match.com, even though I roasted it in this article. This is just the way of the world, where you are basically a number in a card catalog. Like picking out Mayo in the supermarket. There are so many choices, soon they all feel the same. Just know that if you have been out of the game for a while your approach might have to change.

There Are A lot more Stupid Games/Rules

For some reason dating in 2023 has a bunch more B.S rules and sayings. It is like whatever dumb crap the Huffington Post or Buzzfeed can think of is now common knowledge. Ghosting, Zombie dating, beige flags, and a slew of other meaningless tripe that is being spewed out.

On top of this there are all kinds of stages to dating. For some, the first date isn’t even a date. Then there is dating, dating exclusively, then relationships… it is fucking mindboggling, and you will get burned if you aren’t careful. You may be on the 8th date with someone, and they disappear or are still sleeping with their FWB. I find that everyone is trying to win at this, instead of being honest and open.

Lastly, Understand You are in a Different Relationship

If you were married for a long time, you get used to certain things. Whether it is the roles of you and your spouse or how you interact, you had a set routine. When dating for the first time after a divorce you need to remember you are with someone different than your old spouse. They will have different experiences and certain things will set them off.

Take the time to learn about the new person, don’t compare them with your former partner. Also, don’t let your baggage become their issue. Just because your former spouse treated you a certain way, doesn’t mean they new person will. Conversely, what was fun in an old relationship, might not work in a new one. You can’t be set in your ways.

Conclusion: Tips for Men Dating After a Divorce

Just my two cents, there are probably a thousand more things I can share. After a divorce dating can be a learning experience for men. The game has changed and not for the better. Sit back and enjoy the fact you don’t have to deal with that b*tch of an ex.

Just look at how many women will share a successful man or be the “other woman.” Men don’t share women, especially not quality men. I once heard that when women cheat it is a betrayal. I cannot argue with this logic. It just cuts us deeper. I have been there, it has been a while, but I made the mistake of taking the person back. Below are 8 Reasons why a man should leave a cheating spouse.

#1 She Put Another Man Before You

This might be obvious, but it is also my number one rule. My partner should never put some other guy before me. I don’t care if it is a friend, relative or some dude at the club. If I am not at the top of the list for the woman I am with, then I do not want to be with her. If a woman cheats on you are not her number one person. She should be the most important woman to you, if she sleeps around you are not the most important person to her.

Instead, she is giving her time and energy (among other things) to someone else. All this while you get the worst of her. If you are married, you get her in the sweats and get yelled at to put out the trash. Suddenly, her coworker gets her at her best. She will try “new” things with him while you get Vanilla sex (or none at all). Any woman that puts another man in front of her partner should be thrown out, you deserve better than to be someone’s second choice.

#2 Why a Man Should leave a Cheating Spouse: The Power Dynamic has Changed

Once a spouse cheats the dynamic of the relationship changes. She has stated she is above you. You are the weak, broken man and she is the person that made you that way. There is no respect there. A girlfriend or wife has to respect her partner and cheating shows there is none.

You are no longer on equal footing; you are beneath her. She got her needs met, without you, while you are pining over her. No matter how you try to cover that up or justify it, that is how what went down, accept reality. You may be tempted to cheat to “get even,” but since this is just a response to her it won’t fix the problem. A man should leave a cheating spouse, unless he wants to be in a relationship where he is less than his partner.

#3 You will Never Trust Her

Now “I am going out with the girls” gets a whole new stomach-turning meaning. Instead of being able to relax and enjoy a quiet night you will be wondering if she is getting Eifeled towered in the bathroom of Applebee’s. Every unknown text or email will have you on heightened alert. That is no way to live. People say that trust can be rebuilt, but can it?

Even if they broke off contact, does she miss him? Would she rather be with this other person? Not being able to trust the person who you chose (and they supposedly chose you) is not a life I would sign up for. There will never be a complete level of trust again, which does not bode well for a healthy relationship. Really, you find out your partner is cheating ask yourself “how can you trust them?”

#4 She Is more Likely to Do it Again

Once a cheater always a cheater might not be guaranteed, but it is much more likely. My first girlfriend cheated on me. Then did it again when we got back together in college. It was a sickness for her. Fast forward to my thirties, guess who cheated on her husband… with me! It was not my proudest moment, something I regret. She made it clear this was not her first time cheating on him either.

Cheaters have lower moral standards. While it is true some people only cheat once, if they did it once they are likely to do it again. You will have to relive all this sh*t again the next time. How many times are you willing to get cuckolded. Better question, would you date a person who sees no problem cheating? If that disqualifies future mates, then it should disqualify current ones.

#5 She Put Your Health at Risk

Who wants Herpes!? Antibiotic resistant gonorrhea anyone? All this can be yours and more if you stay with your cheating spouse. A huge reason why a man should leave a cheating spouse is she is risking your health. Trust me if the scumbag that she is banging is willing to sleep with a married woman, he isn’t being faithful to her. Oh, but they use protection. First, that doesn’t protect against everything. In addition, sure they are.

Forget STI’s for a second, what does this stress do to your body? Learning of a cheating spouse, not being able to trust, all this will tear you apart mentally and physically. A woman should support her husbands health. She puts you at risk when she hits up her EX for one last go.

#6 It Shows You are Weak and without Options

If you stay with a cheater you scream to the world that you cannot do better. Don’t give me this “but I love her” BS. Find someone else. The only man that puts up with a cheater is a man who thinks he can’t get anyone other than that person. Think of it this way, if you were eating a steak and someone crapped all over it would you eat it? Well if you were starving and it was the last food on earth maybe.

That is what she did to your relationship. If you spend any amount of time pining over a woman that cheated you are forgetting something. There are other women out there. Honest ones. A great reason Why a Man Should leave a Cheating Spouse is it allows him to do better. If you don’t leave, then you tell the world that you cannot.

#7 She Degraded and Humiliated You

Her Friends know, and every time they see you, they look at you with pity. The guy probably is friends with her on Facebook, laughing at your couples pictures. By putting another man above you, she disgraced you and your relationship. This woman told the world you are less than.

Are you really going to stay with someone that did this to you? Stop trying to work it out with this person. Degrade them back by walking out the door. Your partner should never disrespect you; I would say F*cking someone else is the ultimate form of disrespect. Do not allow this to continue.

#8 Why a Man Should leave a Cheating Spouse: She Distracted You from Your Purpose

Every second you are thinking about your partner in a human pretzel with the mailman is a second you aren’t building your own life. A woman needs to compliment your life, a cheating spouse doesn’t. What are you supposed to waste more time in counseling so you can relive the horrors? That is time you should be spending bettering yourself.

A broken man cannot live his purpose, whatever that may be. He cannot work hard when he is being distracted by a cheating spouse. When your confidents is shattered it is hard to succeed in any field. Best advice, cut her loose, concentrate on being a man so successful that no one would dare cheat on you. Or just do a bunch of epic things, do not spend a minute thinking about that bullsh*t.

Conclusion: Why a Man Should leave a Cheating Spouse

I get it, you get burned by your partner you want to believe them. You truly want to think it will get better, it will not. Do not stay with a cheating partner. The relationship will never be the same. Those who say it will be lying to themselves.

We are told that women are “the prize” and must be earned. This has created a supply of feeble men that get railroaded in relationships. The narrative is twisted or at least incomplete. These lies are fed to not only us but also the women we date, creating entitlement. If you want to know why the dating scene is so screwed up, pay attention to the lies society tells men about relationships.

Lies Society tells men about relationships #1: The Men are The Cheaters

Women and men actually cheat at similar rates, with modern women beginning to cheat more. Yet in the movies, songs and in society in general men are portrayed as the dogs. This is just a lie. Not only do women cheat, but they also find loopholes. My single friends and I are much more likely to be monogamous than many of the women out there. Yes, some men “spin plates” and have multiple women, sure, (the ones I know are honest about it) but most of us are more likely to stay focused on one woman until we keep her, or she messes up.

Women have a roster to do their dirty work and sleep with. Even if they are cheating, they justify it with breaking up for a week or “just kissing”. The words “that doesn’t count” is said by more women than you could imagine. It is my theory many women justify cheating (not all, maybe not even the majority) which lowers the reports. Women cheat or leave just like men, but when they do it is about more than just sex. Yet somehow all men are cheaters.

Lie #2 Men are the Abusers

Let me get this out upfront, I am not saying that there aren’t abusive men. Anyone that hits a woman for no good reason (like protecting a child) needs to be thrown under the jail. My problem is that it isn’t so one sided. Who do you think of when someone mentions domestic violence? Yes, the man. One of the major lies Society tells men about relationships is that we can’t be abused.

There are no good stats as to the number of men who get abused, because men rarely admit it. Many times, if we do we get laughed at, “what did he do”? I was hit in past relationships and no one cared. Do you think anyone cared? If the cops come to your house and a man says he is being hit, they laugh it off. We are told that men are the abusers, but there are abusive people on both sides. Never touch a woman unless under extreme circumstances, also never allow yourself to be abused.

#3 Lie Society tells men about relationships: Shower Her with Affection

I can’t believe how many men actually still fall for this. While reading a Quora answer the other day the guy said “if she didn’t get flowers on the first date, she will get them on the second”. I don’t like to use the word cringe, but f*cking cringe.

The idea that we need to bring them flowers and chocolates or pursue them is nuts. Like buying them things will somehow win them over. All these movies where the sappy guy is chasing after the woman smothering her has created a bunch of unworthy men. Give a woman attention when she earns it, not before. If she is treating you good, show her your appreciation. Do not do it to try to earn her approval. You cannot. What you can do is be someone desirable.

While you are buying this chick flowers and wining and dining her she is texting her, ex that she will be home by 10. You will not win a woman by liking her posts, buying her things, or treating her like a Queen. If you do that for everyone you date all that does is muddy the waters, save it for a woman who deserves it.

#4 Women are The Prize

Be the prize. In a good relationship both people should feel lucky to have the other. You need to work to make yourself the thing worth winning or you will lose her to someone who does. One of those lies that society tells men about relationships is that we need to win the women over. This circles back to my last point, about trying to buy the woman’s love.

If you look at a woman as a prize that needs to be won, stop what you are doing and work on yourself. Be someone that is worth having. Only try to “win” those who try to win you. If you want a decent relationship, never elevate a woman higher than yourself.

#5 Men are More Likely to Breakup their Family

This post feels like it is all over the place, but F*ck it. There is this myth out there that men are breaking up the families. I am part of a group of men going through a divorce. Out of the dozens of men that came in there, maybe two were the ones that ended the marriage. Almost always the wife left, leaving everyone holding the bag.

Stats back me up, over 70% of women initiate divorce. Most of the time it isn’t due to abuse or an affair, it is they get bored and want greener pastures. Meanwhile, people will say “what did you do wrong” to the man. I have been there, dealing with these accusation. Women are far more likely to breakup their family then men, for any reason or no reason at all.

#6 Just Be Yourself

The worst advice anyone tells young men is to “be yourself.” What if you are a overweight, poor, loser who plays video games all day? Better advice is turn yourself into something worth dating. Obviously, be authentic and do not put on a false persona. Turn yourself into the absolute top version of who you are.

What does this mean? Get you sh*t together. You know the drill. Work out, get your money in order and be the prize. Why would you think just being yourself is enough if no respectable woman would want you?

#7 Women Want a Good Man

They say that… all the time. Of course, actions speak louder than words and they choose the highest value man, with the hopes he loves them. Spoiler alert he won’t. The amount of women I watch get strung along, while the “good men” are rejected is astonishing. “Good men” are boring to many women. Putting in effort to be with her having a stable job all of this puts her to sleep.

Women want a strong, well-respected man to treat them well, not just a “good man”. Too many women want the person that will use them and will ignore the man that will be there for them. It is mindboggling. How do you combat this? You can be a good man, and have integrity, but also be strong and interesting. Have your own life. Do not put up with bullsh*t, this does not mean you treat them bad. It means you have standards for the people you let into your life.

#8 Lie: Be Her Best Friend

Your friends are your friends, while she shares many characteristics of a friend, she is your partner. A man should have an inner circle. Men he can trust to help him navigate life. A wife or girlfriend can’t provide this. This is not to say you should put your friends above your wife, it is just that the two are different relationships and should be treated differently.

I do not say the same things to my friend I grew up with as I do to my romantic partners. Contrary to popular belief men and women are different creatures. There are things you just don’t say to your wife/girlfriend that you would say to your friends. Friends will make you a better man, this relationship can’t be replaced by your partner. So keep a group close.

Lie #9 Women Only like Men That Treat Them Like Dirt

Even though they don’t always go for the “good man” simply treating a woman like trash does not work either. Admittedly, this one I am not sure about, judging by the relationships I hear about. Still, this is not a universal truth. The line “Do not be nice to them, women only like men that treat them like dirt”, is too simplistic. It is just that they hate weak, needy men who pamper them. You can be strong and not an arse at the same time. Some women deserve to be treated like garbage (as do some men), but they earn it. They are also the type that shouldn’t be in your life.

If a chick does enough little things to earn me treating her well, then that is what she gets. If she starts responding poorly to that treatment, then she is broken anyway. Most of the men who say this give women needy attention to try to win them. That is not the same as showing appreciation for the good ones.

#10 Lie Society tells men about relationships: You Need One

Relationships are an addition to your life not your entire life. You do not need a woman if they give you too much trouble. One should not be afraid of being alone. Build your life, become successful, then have a woman be an addition to your world.

Everyone thinks they need a partner, if that is a goal fine (it is mine as well). It isn’t a must for success. It feels like everyone tells you “Find a wife” from the media to family. There is nothing wrong with being alone, especially when you are trying to figure out your life. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need a relationship.

That’s about it for this one… It felt like more of a stream of consciousness than a post. We are being fed a lot about relationships, most of the information given is false or incomplete. It outright harms both men and women, do not fall for this propaganda.