Yet still I hate life. My job though it pays more, is a major source of stress. I hate corporate life in general so that doesn’t help. Besides getting reengaged to my ex (then once again breaking up), I have not even dated much in the last two years. I put a lot of effort in, and although better off, I am not in a content place. You didn’t come here to find out about why I hate life, you want to know how to fix yours. Before I start giving my two cents if you are seriously depressed and want to harm yourself in any way this is not the place for you click here. Believe me I have been there and finding the right person to talk to can make all the difference.

This is for men that just feel stuck. Yes, this blog is geared toward men, I believe these rules are universal. Just warning you in case you jump to other posts! Things need to be fixed, and nobody is going to fix them but me. I will show you the process I am using now I admitted out loud I hate life, hopefully this will help give you a blueprint. This is how I am reacting to the statement that I hate life.

First: Take Full Responsibility if you Hate your Life

I have a running theme, if you hate life, it is up to you to fix it. Accept the reality of the situation and figure out what to do to make it better. Obstacles will be put in front of you, because nothing of value comes easy. If you blame outside forces for your own misery, then you will wait for outside forces to fix things.

Today we love to justify the our situation by blaming something else. Yes, the world is difficult, that doesn’t change the fact that you are responsible if you hate life. The universe does not care what happens to you. Making excuses might help you save face and make you feel better for a little while but it will lead to long term unhappiness. When you make excuses, you are not fixing the problem. Be in the minority, stop being lazy, stop making excuses and take full responsibility. It starts there. One thing I know about myself, it is my fault I am in this situation, and I am the only one to fix it.

Do You Know What You Want?

If you hate your life, what will make you not hate life? What exactly do you hate about this gift we are given? Your job, relationship status, where you live? Ok, great now what do you want? Not what you are told to want, not what looks good on paper, what will fulfill you most? This all must done within the confines of reality of course. If you want to be a professional basketball player and you are five feet tall, well maybe scratch that goal.

Perhaps the better way to say it, what do you want that is obtainable? If you don’t know what you want then you will always hate life, because you will just get whatever you fall into. If I get in the car and start driving who the hell knows if I end up at a suitable destination.

You need to take some time and really think about what it is you really want out of life. Every aspect. How you look, what skills you have, your career relationship etc. Somehow people have hours to spend watching TV and surfing social media, but can’t take any time to figure out what they really want. What you want will change over time, but you need to have something to aim toward.

Zero in on it

You need to be specific and set up goals not pie in the sky ideas. I want to “not be broke” isn’t a plan. Saying, I would like X career, and this is how I will get there is a plan. Just wanting to lose weight or look better is fine, but not the end game. What gets measured gets accomplished so setup a specific measurements.

These measurements also must be under your control. I can set up the goal for this site for example of 50K page views a month, but that is not entirely up to me. What is up to me is writing three new posts a week…. that I can control. Even with losing weight, you might not be able to pinpoint the exact amount to lose, but you can work out daily and eat a specific number of calories. Set up a goal, and set up actions behind that goal. Readjust when need be.

Clean Up the Obvious Messes first

If you hate life, I am willing to bet most areas are a train wreck. Look around at your living space, how do you feel about it? If you are living squallier then that will shine through in other aspects of existence. It is surprising how just a little change, a clean car, replace worn out clothes or cleaning your house will change your perspective. Admittedly I am stealing some of this from Jordon Petersons whole clean your room chapter, but there is a lot of truth to it.

There is something about momentum it helps good things feed off themselves. Once I get myself off the couch and turn off YouTube I start to feel better about my day. A workout will lead to a better eating, while I am up, I might as well straighten my house out. After all the obvious things are accomplished, I am not so overwhelmed, I can work on my broader goals.

Look around, you know what needs to be fixed. Clean the damn dishes, make your bed, and get some sanity in your space. I can’t imagine a situation where you skip this step. Landing your dream job doesn’t seem possible if you can’t take a second to do the most basic things. Little by little you will stop saying I hate life.

Create a Plan (and Stick to It)

Once you know what is wrong and what you want, figure out how you are going achieve your desired outcome specifically. This will not be perfect, but it will have you moving in the right direction. Given that I am in finance I put everything into a spreadsheet. My four pillars of areas I f*cked up that need fixing. Health/fitness, money this includes everything from career to any side hustle. Relationships and personal development. I pick the items that are most pressing, and I break things down further into actionable steps.

Having things listed out to where I can pinpoint the issues helps me put things into order. You will realize quickly what the real issues are and can form a path to solve them. There is always something that can be done to move you forward. Unless you’re reading this from prison, you could do a lot to make your life better. Write it out, break it down into smaller actionable items and keep moving until you are in a better place in that section. Which brings me to my next point.

Daily Habits

I know this sounds like a Cliché’ YouTube channel, but you need to make progress every day. Ask yourself what must be done daily that will bring you closer to your goal? I don’t know you, but you aren’t winning the lotto, so I guess you must put in the work to make things better. You know the drill, hate the way you look, workout and eat right daily. Hate your job? How many resumes did you send out today? It is obvious what needs to be done, yet important things are always pushed off until tomorrow. Even if you don’t, start anyway, the path may show itself. At the very least you will know what doesn’t work. Really what else are you doing, besides wallowing in your own misery?

Another cliché, time goes by quickly. Think about where you will be if you do not make excuses and put in the work to the goal your are aiming at. Two to three hours at a time every day will drive you far. Or sit around complaining for a couple of years, the universe doesn’t care.

Stop Wasting Time

I don’t have time to do “X” is the biggest excuse I hear. It is a rare person these days who doesn’t have time, people just aren’t paying attention to where it is spent. The average person spends over 5 hours a day watching TV. Stop with the I don’t have time crap. Do not get me started on the Facebook, Instagram or reading blogs by obnoxious men such as this one. Look at your schedule, be honest, are you really so busy you can’t fix things that make you hate life?

“I am too tired, I deserve a break”, “I work so hard it is time to relax”. Fine say all these things, but your life will still suck next year at this time. If you do not think your goals are important, no one else will. Everyone gets tired and unmotivated, think of your same lousy situation never changing and use that to drive you into action.

Other people will try to zap your time. You need to set up unbreakable boundaries. Unless your kid falls off the roof, nothing is more important than what you are trying to achieve. If you work out at 6:30 every night, then when Suzy asks you to go for Mocktails you say no. F*ck Suzy, you don’t want to hear her bitching anyway. Your time needs to be focused on fixing things.

Go Further Than You Intended

It is easy to get some level of success and stop. I believe this is the wrong approach. If you want more money, and you all of a sudden get a nice pay raise, keep striving for more. Don’t just stop when you get comfortable. I sincerely believe the secret to enjoying your life is accomplishment. You need to build on past successes. I am not saying never stop to smell the roses, just do not get complacent. This will help avoid slipping back to your old ways.

There is a reason why people like Warren Buffet keep working and building. He doesn’t even spend the money he is making, rather it is the process of building that keeps him happy. What I am saying is never be satisfied. Rest when you must, just never stop aiming at a goal.

If You Hate Your Life Only You Can Fix it

That’s the whole point of this post I guess that it is my responsibility. I woke up and said I hate my life, yes… now what? Blaming the government, society, my ex, my job does nothing. Blaming myself is very freeing. Yes, I made mistakes, and I will again. Recognizing I am to blame for my situation means I can fix it. I am not going to care about other people and the obstacles they put in my path. I will fix my life. Maybe this post was hokey, or you loved it, either way let me know in the comments.

The post You say “I Hate Life”, What to do About it appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

By societal standards I did everything right. Yes, some of it took a while, but I lived the American dream. I went to college, then went on to get my MBA from an accredited school. I married (a bit older than most, in my 30s). Still, we built a home. Yet somehow, I find myself here, not wanting to go to the supermarket to spend money. For the record I do have more than enough to go to the supermarket, but I am being stingy due to lack of employment. The point is, here I am divorced and unemployed, I am not where I want to be, where I should be.

If only I could build that time machine and deliver the below advice to my younger self. Warn him about what I believe he needs to avoid. We can live with regrets and how they shaped our present, or we can learn from them. Since I cannot change the past, this advice I give young men might help others avoid some of the problems. Below is the advice I would give to my younger self (and to the young men of today).

Stop Wasting Your Time Trying to Please Women

The first piece of advice I would give young men is to focus on yourself, not on trying to get a girlfriend. The amount of time, mental anguish, and money I have spent trying to find a woman is mindboggling to me now. It was all I wanted, and I would do everything to get a girl. When I was not simping or sucking up to women I was thinking about a particular girl, building her up in my head. This never ended well.

Too many times I would either spend resources trying to get a woman and when I did get her, she never would be what I envisioned. On the flip side I would settle making excuses for someone I did not like just to have someone. I let important things slide just to pursue companionship. Is that not the lie we are told? That we should “have someone.” Let me tell you, although it is nice, there are more fulfilling things in your life. Getting a woman should not be your number one priority, a woman should fit into your life after you have achieved success.

I am not trying to be one of those MGTOW guys that says avoid all women and never date. What I am saying is that you need to prioritize. The problem with spending all your time trying to get a girlfriend is that you are not building yourself up. If you get someone great but focus on making your life and future better. The ironic part is once you create the life you want you will have a much easier time getting a high-quality woman. Women are attracted to success, become successful, do not judge your self-worth on if you have a girlfriend at the present.

In Fact, Do Not Waste Time at All

Every second you are not working toward your future you are making me (the future you) suffer. Are those reruns of The Golden Girls worth living in a studio condo at 44? T.V. is the biggest, most mindless, time waster there is, get in the habit of keeping it off.

I am now playing catchup with my life, because younger me did not put enough into my dreams. I get it, work is no fun. If you are in a mindless corporate office for 9-hours, working on your dreams afterword’s can be frustrating and tiring. I would rather have put the work in and still failed than to not have tried, never knowing what could have happened.

T.V. is a huge time waster, but there are plenty of other things that will take your hours. Social Media is a big one, although I never have put too much energy into it. There are also people that you waste time with, people who add nothing to your life. My advice to my younger self and my advice to younger men is the same. Be careful how you spend your time. I put so much energy and money into playing poker and going to bars, that it negatively affected my present. If you are spending time on something ask if it is moving you forward, if it is not then move on.

Get out of Bad Relationships that are Holding You Back

I think back to some of my old girlfriends and cringe. I was engaged to someone that I had almost no attraction to. I spent 8-years being unhappy with a person out of comfort. Another woman I dated was abusive and an alcoholic. I knew this was not a person I was going to marry, I hated even seeing her. Why then did I spend about a year of my life in this relationship? It was easier than breaking up! The amount of time and energy I spent with people that made me unhappy is perplexing. I acted like I had more than one life.

It is not only romantic relationships that get you. I got comfortable at my job also. My boss was never there, I was good at my position and it was easy. Comfort is the enemy of progress; you should be changing jobs every two years until you no longer need a job because of a side income.

Then there are the friends that always seem to drag you down. You continue to hang around them, but you know that they are not going anywhere. Look at your relationships, all of them. If you are not happy in a part of your life cut your losses and leave.

Take Care of Your Career

One piece of advice to my younger self that would pay dividends today is to take care of your career. If you do not take charge of your career path it will be taken care of for you. As mentioned in one company I was much too complacent in my job. I stayed in the same position for 9-years with no promotion. When they put me in a new job with more responsibility, promising to promote me only to renege on this promise, I quit, easily getting a job paying 30% higher. Reinforcing the notion that I should have left years earlier. I was complacent with this company also, not allowing my voice to be heard and it cost me dearly. That is a story for another time.

Do not have blind loyalty to your organization, always be looking for advancement. If you sit in the same job too long you will be typecast into that spot. Companies have no loyalty toward you. If they can save a dime, by getting rid of you they will. This is your life not theirs, so why care about the company you are working for? Work hard, but use them for what they are, a steppingstone to advancing your life.

Take More Risks

In my thirties I had the opportunity to choose between two condos, one a bit more expensive, but much nicer and a smaller one that I would save money on. I chose the cheaper, smaller version; this mistake cost me tens of thousands of dollars and a much lower standard of living. My advice to my younger self is, take a chance every time you can.

Do nothing halfhearted, do not hedge your bets, but run full speed at any endeavor you attempt. I wanted a career in poker (sounds ridiculous now), but I dickered around with penny games. I did not have the discipline and the stomach to play higher level tables. The result was I built a bankroll up to $1000, after years, only to lose it when the government shut down poker sites. Had I played higher games, I would have either made a ton or realize early I was not good enough, and not wasted years of my life.

This is just one (longwinded) example of my failure to take risks. Let them be calculated yes but take them just the same. My career and side incomes all have suffered because I wanted to crawl toward goals without putting anything at stake. Take risks, not taking risks will have the greatest negative effect on your life.

Stay Away from Strip Clubs

Who doesn’t love a good stripper? Beautiful women taking their clothes off as your wallet gets thinner, sounds awesome. My advice to all the young men out there… stay away from these spots (well except maybe in Canada or Thailand). Take it from someone who went a little crazy and spent thousands of dollars in strip clubs through the years. You see, I was not always the savvy man that sits here writing this. After I ended an engagement, I was a strip club guy, just trying to cut loose.

They are fine occasionally, but not on a Tuesday at noon. Strip clubs really are a waste of time and money. You will likely spend thousands of dollars with nothing but an empty wallet and blue balls to show for it. Strip clubs are where the simps go to play! Give your money to a woman for 2 minutes of closeness. It is not like you even get to sleep with them. You are better off getting a hooker once a month.

Now, if you do get a stripper outside the club, which I have, you are giving yourself a whole new set of headaches. All women are crazy, strippers take insane to a new level. We are talking drugs, alcohol problems, violence, the whole nine. It is like owning a tiger, they look cool in the zoo, but will destroy your house and eat your little brother when you get it home. Sure, they are fun, but the juice isn’t worth the squeeze (or the herpes). My advice to my younger self… stay away from strippers!

Act with a Sense of Urgency

This is maybe the most important advice I can give my younger self. You may seem like you have all the time in the world to accomplish your goals. As Kenny Chesney says, don’t blink… you turn around and you are looking at 50. Life moves fast.

The things you want to accomplish cannot wait. If you have a goal and you do not act today to accomplish it, then when will you? Act like your life will one day be over, because it will. I mentioned how all those time wasters are not moving you forward. If you are on Facebook instead of working toward your dreams you are cheating your future self. Everyday wasted is a day you cannot get back. Add enough of those together and you have a ruined life. If there is something that you want to work toward, the best day to start is yesterday, the second-best day is today!

Act Like a Leader

If you do not lead you will be treated like a follower. It is important to take charge of any situation when you encounter it. This goes for your professional and personal life as well. In relationships if you allow it, people will take advantage of you or lead you to the best outcome for them not you. Do not be complacent in your own life.

A leader takes responsibility for the things around him. If something goes wrong at work, take charge and fix it. If a decision needs to be made in your home, be the one who makes it. Create a plan for your life and follow through. This is how you gain respect and accomplish your goals.

The most important thing to remember is you are in charge of your own life. Do not sit passively by and let others dictate how you should live. My advice to young men is to get away from your parents as soon as possible. So many young people today let mommy and daddy control their future. Whether it is a wife, your family, or your employee be your own leader and guiding force.

Do Not Avoid Uncomfortable Things

You will get nowhere if you strive for comfort in your life. Comfort is the enemy of growth. Sitting in a nice warm house eating ice cream feels great at the moment but do it enough times and you will have gotten nowhere.

Another vital piece of advice to my younger self would be to try everything no matter how difficult it seems. I was not a total slacker in this regard, but I could have done better at pushing myself. In all aspects of life if it seems difficult give it a try. Do it poorly, you will get better.

The most incompetent people I know are those 30-year old’s that choose the comfort of their own house over success. Before they know it, they are still at home with their mother and have gotten nowhere. The best moments in life are when you accomplish something you did not think you could. I haven’t been a total slacker, but there were times especially in my career where I have avoided the scary things, most of which were simple once I got around to doing them. Take the harder path, it is easier in the long run!

Do Not Take Your Mother (or Father) for Granted

As mentioned, our lives move fast. People you see every day will disappear. I learned this the hard way in 2012. My mother was not an angel by any means. She was in fact very troubled. Still when she was gone a lot of things were left unsaid.

A week before she died, I ignored her call. Yes, she was not always the nicest to me on the phone and yes there is no way I could know she would not be calling back. Still, I feel I could have done more, maybe said something to help her. At least I could have made a final effort. In your life do not let people slip away without saying what needs to be said. Of course, set boundaries, just pick your battles. Do not take those in your life for granted, they might not be there tomorrow.

Conclusion: Advice to My Younger Self (Or Advice for Young Men)

We cannot change the past or take back the things we did (or did not do). Take what I said seriously, or not… it is your life. All I can do going forward is live the last half of my life bolder and work harder. I have a lot of catching up to do, it is unfortunate my time machine is broken, and I cannot give this advice to my younger self. If you are a younger man reading this, learn from my mistakes.

The post Advice to My Younger Self (Or Advice for Young Men) appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

If you looked over my “About Me” page you will see why I started this blog in the first place. This year has been a nightmare. So many of my fears came true and it is safe to say my whole life was (temporarily) destroyed. First, I lost my job, then my wife announced she wanted a divorce. I was “asked to leave” our beautiful new home (which we just moved into) and sent away from the dog I helped raise. I know it is only a dog, but I love that stupid animal. At 44 everything I held dearest, so many things I was proud of, disappeared in what seemed to be overnight.

A Wake-up Call…

I wanted nothing more than my old life back. Everything was taken away so quickly, one day I was in a beautiful home, the next I was sleeping on a couch of my 800 Sq. foot condo. This is temporary I thought. Surely, I will be called back for my job. My wife will realize what a horrible mistake she is making, and I will be with her again in no time. I was not accepting reality. I needed to wake up.

Any major negative life change can bring us to a place where we deny what is happening. A job loss, a death, a failure of a marriage, or an injury/disease. One second your life is on cruise control, the next it has fallen apart. It is easy to pretend difficult things did not happen, but that does nothing but harm us.

Accept the Chaos

It is natural to want things to be better or to go back to normal. How easy would it be if we could act like the ostrich and stick our head in the sand, ignoring what is happening? When we get stuck too much in “wishing” we are not accepting things as they are. This hurts us in a few ways. First, it makes the pain last longer.

You think you live in a beautiful home and have an amazing wife, but it is all gone. You are living in two different worlds. Almost as if you are in prison instead of accepting your reality, you think you are in one place when you are not. Looking at your old existence through a window you cannot open.

Secondly, you can’t move forward in your life. How can you possibly make a brighter future if you are not grounded in the reality of the situation? We cannot move forward until we know where we are. By not accepting the reality of where you truly stand, and thinking it will magically get better, you slow the positive progression of your life. Regardless how painful it is to admit the truth, you cannot make things better if you are living in a false reality.

Accepting Reality is Not Giving Up

Some might think, by admitting the truth one is giving up on a marriage (or career, health, etc..). I believe this thought process is incorrect. Yes, certain things cannot be reversed, such as a death of a loved one. This is not giving up, there is nothing you can do.

Other situations you may feel can be reversed or fixed. It could seem that if you accept where you are then you are not fighting for what you lost. Not true. Going back to the example of a man that was handed divorce papers, I am not saying just give up on the marriage. You can fight for what you want, but you also must realize where you currently stand, the realness of the current situation. Things went wrong, accept this, you are better prepared to fix this once you admit this to yourself.

You are also better equipped to deal with the aftermath if, despite your best efforts, things do not work out. If you go along thinking everything will be just fine, you are in for a world of hurt when you finally realize where you stand. Accepting reality puts one in a place of strength to fight for what one wants or rebuild their life if needed.

Accept People the Way They Are

People in our lives are not always the ones that we built in our head. Their actions show you who they are in their heart. So many say wonderful things when everything is ok. In my case my wife would tell me everything a husband wants to hear and promised to never leave me, repeatedly.

When she did abandon our marriage, I still thought of our relationship as the fairy tale in my head. I could not fathom anything different. The fact is my wife isn’t that person anymore (if she ever was). She has her demons and faults, and she is not that kind person I thought she was. Telling myself differently would be a lie.

The person I built up in my mind is not the real person I am dealing with. Maybe one day she was… but not now. How I perceived her in the past and believing that is how she remains does me no favors. She is showing me her true nature by her actions. Sometimes we create a false idea of those closest to us, we are blind to the proof we are given to the contrary. You need to accept the real person you are dealing with and all the damage they may have done. Do not idolize people who have shown to be different than you wish them to be.

Accepting Reality in the World

I was reading about various places I loved to travel and how badly they have been impacted by this awful year. New York City especially has taken a turn for the worse with all the crime and restaurants closing. I can pretend that my travel life will be the same, that I can relive some of my old adventures, but I am fooling myself. Much of the world that I loved is changed or gone. In many cases I will not be able to duplicate the past.

This mentality can be applied to America on a whole. Whether we like it or not we are moving toward a Socialist nation. Much of the country holds parasitic views that they are owed something for merely existing. The economy on a whole may never recover fully and employment prospects may not improve.

The job market is the way it is, the recruiters are the way they are. Finding a job is hard, especially for men looking in corporate America. The world right now is difficult for those trying to find work. We cannot imagine that we will magically go back to 2018. If it improves great, but things need to be taken as they are.

I can sit and complain about how unfair life is. How sad the world has turned out, but what does that get me? Wishing for the good old days will do nothing to improve my situation. I need to accept the reality of the new environment and adjust my strategy accordingly.

Accept the Reality of Your Own Shortcomings

It amazes me how many people will lie to themselves (and others) about their true identity. Go on any dating sight and see how many people who are clearly overweight call themselves “about average” or “Athletic.” Too many people are dishonest with themselves or make excuses for their own shortcomings.

Once again by not accepting reality you are only hurting yourself. How can you improve your life if you lie about your own faults? If you used to be 180 LBS, but now are 240LBs you got fat… own it and fix it. Admitting our limitations gives us accountability.

If something does not work out, put at least some blame on you. I feel like it is always better to be harder on yourself than easier. At least be completely honest and recognize your faults or how you may have changed for the worse. Accepting reality means being judgmental and recognizing what you need to correct. There is no other way to fix the aspects of your life that need work unless you are honest enough to point out your own flaws.

How to Accept Reality

I believe I made the point why it is important to accept a situation for what it is and not what we wish it to be. Unfortunately, accepting reality is not always that straight forward. Sometimes it is easier said than done. It took me months until it sank in that my marriage was ending. As for my job, I was originally furloughed. That lasted for 90 days. In my mind they were going to hire me back, in reality all signs pointed to me carrying a box of coffee mugs, protein powder, and loose change out the door.

The point I want to stress is it is sometimes difficult to accept a given situation. I have learned a lot in the past couple of months on this topic, one would say I was forced to. Keeping the below in mind may help with your situation.

The Steps…

1. Give Yourself a Minute to Let the Shock Wear Off – I know it may seem contradictory to the above, but you do need a short time to come to terms with things when something goes bad. Whether it is a death, job loss, or break up let it sink in for a day or two… give yourself at most a weeklong pity party, but then force reality to hit.
2. Say it Out loud – Whatever happened, own the new situation. Look in the mirror if need be but say it aloud. For example, “I am divorced now, whatever dream I had about this marriage is over, this is my new reality.” Repeat it until it sinks in. It is better than wishing for a change.
3. Recognize Where You Messed Up – As mentioned above, I find it therapeutic to analyze a situation and see where my faults lie. Somethings will be totally out of your control, like a death (unless you backed over someone in your car). Others not so much, ask yourself “how did I contribute to this negative situation?” This will allow you to be stronger in the future.
4. Plan the Life of Your Dreams – The old dream is over, what are your new dreams? For me, as a single man, it is traveling the world to countries with beautiful women, writing (hopefully) a successful blog and investing in real estate. Finding a new path, a new direction will take some of the sting out of what you lost.

Conclusion: Why Accepting Reality is Important

Terrible things happen, major life events that are mainly out of our control. Yes, life is unfair at times. A storm can come around and blow your home away. You do not sleep in the wreckage, refusing to accept that the house is gone. You accept it and decide to work for something better. No one gets through this life without losing something. Fix what you can, accept what you cannot.

The post Why Accepting Reality is Important appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

If you really want to know how to ruin your life it must be torturously long. What you need is a slow death, where you hardly feel it coming. A life that is full of pointless frustrations and unrealized dreams. The good news is society is giving you a blueprint on how to ruin your life. All one must do is blindly follow this plan and he (or she) will be successful in their task.

A Slow Burn …

It is obvious when ruining one’s life entails a quick action like an accident or a crime. The slow burn of poor choices through the years will not be as clear. What is the blueprint for a ruined life? Many poor decisions through the years, which you are told are the “right” way. Think of it more like the frog in the pot that does not feel the water getting hotter. I will touch on all the things that, by themselves can devastate your future, but combined will have you waking up one day and realizing the pot is boiling.

The good news is you will not be alone. So many men today are already destroying (or have destroyed) their future, while lying to themselves that they are on the right path. Misery loves company, in this day and age there is a lot of company to be found! Without further ado, let me state the plan on how to ruin your life.

Step one To Ruining Your Life: College

The first step for a man to ruin his life is getting an “education.” After all an education is the path to success, that is what everyone says. Where else can one get educated than in school? Everyone should go to college, that is the politicians talk about. How else will you waste away in corporate life if you do not go to college first?

When picking a university, it is of the utmost importance that you choose one that is ungodly expensive. This is a vital step. No community college for the first two years… it would not feel right unless it was at least 25K a year financed with student loans. Your mother is not going to brag to the ladies at the salon about you entering community college to save money. Right off the bat you are going to want to be in the hole. Digging out of debt is so much better than not having an anchor around your neck for twenty years. If you are really talented at ruining your life, drag your parents down with you, make them go into their (lack of) retirement to give you an education.

We all know that loans for school itself are not nearly enough to pay for the college experience. Whenever possible take extra out for spending money, you will pay it back later. While you are at it why not talk to that guy who will give you a candy bar if you sign up for a credit card at 25% interest? Your goal is to start ruining your life early by digging a financial hole at 19 or 20.

Major

There is no accounting or engineering for you, you are trying to ruin your life, not gain marketable skills! Sociology or minority studies is the path you should take. Why rack up all this debt if you are just going to give yourself the ability to pay it back? Not to mention if you major in a science or engineering you may help the world and find purpose in your work. That would be counterproductive to your goals. We will hear none of that. Pick a field that ensures your working years are wasted.

Indoctrination

Another important aspect of college and the negative consequences is to buy into all the information they are peddling. First and foremost, you are a man (hence the title of this article), so you are the cause of all the world’s problems. Accept your privilege and realize anything you earned has nothing to do with your abilities or work ethic. Now you have learned the truth, anything you accomplished or will accomplish is not by your own talents and you have no rights to the fruits of your labor. Apologize for your testicles!

Secondly, buy into the socialist’s dream. Try not to think too hard about the fact that the college is teaching you no marketable skills yet making a killing off you. These rich, elitist professors who never produced anything are right, capitalism is terrible. It is important you develop the theory that your problems are not the result of poor planning and decision making. Your problems stem from the wealthy and powerful keeping you down. Developing this victim mentality is crucial as the foundation for your life.

Off to a Good Start

You wanted to know how to ruin your life, if you paid attention so far you are doing well! Before 25 your finances will be in shambles, you will have no marketable skills and you will have developed a nice victimhood mentality. Hold tight there are many more ways to add to your misery while in school, maybe rent an expensive house off campus, adding the payments to your loans. You can also turn a 4-year degree in basket weaving into a 6-year degree, adding to the financial burden. Another great way for a man to ruin his life is to meet and marry a girl from college, which brings me to my next step…

Marriage and Family

You started your life on the wrong foot…. kudos to you, but you are far from done in destroying your future. Finding an unbearable wife is the next step. Who needs all that freedom and self-esteem when you can have someone nagging you for the next 40-years, or, more likely, until she inevitably dumps you and takes most of your assets (read my post about divorce for men here).

It is of vital importance you pick the wrong woman. Luckily, she is already a feminist, because you met in college, so that will help. We also know she will be carrying a large amount of student loan debt (women have about 70% of student loan debt). Hopefully, she will not cook, clean, or let you lead in the marriage. She should be an independent woman; except she controls your time, finances, and money.

To sprinkle some more qualities you are looking for, make sure she is carrying a few extra pounds now. This way by the time she hits 35 she will be sporting a short haircut and be morbidly obese. Add to that a long sexual history and the possibility for her to get knocked up by someone else and claim you are the father, and you have yourself a winner.

Children

An added criteria when trying to figure out how to ruin your life is to have children with the vile woman mentioned above, especially if you are struggling with money. Whatever life and dreams you have had say goodbye to them as soon as the kids come. As mentioned, the children may not even be yours, but you are to take care of them just the same. Any free money you have should go to some useless sport or activity they will inevitably give up as soon as it becomes challenging.

Whatever you do don’t discipline these kids. Go to Walmart, buy bubble tape, and use it to shield them from all of life’s challenges. They should have such a sense of entitlement that you get screamed at because you bought your daughter the wrong color Mercedes for her 15th birthday. Raise little brats, just to make your daily life a living hell. Now that we have your family life planned out, time to move onto your “career”.

Career

Sure, by this point you are getting sick of this sarcastic tone, but you knew the title before you started reading, so I will continue. Even though you acquired so many skills from your advanced women’s studies classes you may be surprised to find your job options are not as plentiful as you would have thought. Do not worry, there are plenty of mindless, menial, corporate jobs out there and you are going to snag yourself one.

To really strive for a terrible life, it is important you care nothing about your job and it produces nothing of value. The good news is most corporate positions will be extremely unfulfilling and pointless. This is the kind of place misery will thrive. Add to this you will not be able to get ahead financially. Most “promotions” will be in name only not giving you any real monetary benefit (you may get some sort of corporate award, in form of a $5 plastic trophy).

Get Comfortable…

Stay at any company because it is comfortable and easy. Do not take the risk of leaving for a better paying position, it would serve your purpose better to just complain about your job. The good news is you most likely will not have to stay on this career path for life anyway. It is probable that at forty-five or so you will be laid off due to restructuring. Forced to go to another mindless company and work on different menial, unsatisfying tasks.

If you really want to know how to ruin your life, it is important to understand you should not take risks in your career. Never learn a new skill and stay with a company that underpays you until you are pushed out. Above everything else make sure the job has no purpose or meaning. That at the end of the day you feel like you produced no value for yourself or society. This career path will give you the best chance at a terrible existence. If you can get a job so stressful that it affects your health this is a bonus. There is not much more to say about your career other than you do not really have one. More like you are just trying to eke out a living to pay off those wonderful student loans and feed your plump wife.

Finances

After college and a low paying job, you are most of the way there in ruining your finances, so let us keep up the good work. You are going to look to start off in an apartment that is right in the center of a major metropolitan area. You want to be near the cool kids, don’t you? This is until you move into a bigger place to “own.”

When you hit 30 and have a kid or two, time to start building equity. Listen to your boomer parents, a house is an investment so go big or go home! At least 50% – 60% of your income needs to be eaten by home payments. Do not take the time to learn about the various payment plans, just pick the lowest payment right now. Much of the rest of your income should be swallowed up by large car payments, you need to look good in that overpriced neighborhood.

Do not worry about retirement nor savings. You could die tomorrow! Why save anyway, if you need to buy something whip out the credit card, you started in college, why stop now? If you end up broke it is clearly the fault of capitalism/corporations/the “rich.” Not to worry, the people you vote in will save you from those demons.

Health

Your family is terrible and your job mind-numbing, but it is still important that you look and feel your worst. To accomplish this, make sure you ignore your diet for years. Every time Karen from human resources brings in donuts have at least three. Get fast food for lunch and eat frozen dinners (you nor your wife learned to cook after all). Snack as often as possible, food is comfort and you only live once!

If you do “diet” listen to your wife, she will get a lot of good advice from her vegetarian Facebook group. Make sure you eat 5-6 meals a day, eating more somehow leads to weight loss, and avoid meat. Good thing Kit Kats have no meat in them! This will help you feel even more sluggish and tired. Soon you will give up and have a couple of cheeseburgers from McDonalds anyway.

As for exercise… does Street Fighter on PlayStation count? Avoid the gym, too much toxic masculinity. Anyway, you need to rest you “worked hard” after all. Sit down and watch T.V. while sucking down Fritos, the gym can wait. Maybe you can take the stairs instead of the elevator or get in 1000 steps, that seems to help a lot of people. At least they recommend it.

Avoid the doctor, what does he know, no need to get tests or bloodwork done. If you close your eyes and ignore those pains in your chest they will go away. Secondly, if you had not started smoking already, time to get on that. You may want to develop a drinking habit as well; you should go for the trifecta! Being overweight, smoking, and drinking too much are essential for someone wanting to know how to ruin their life!

Other Things

I gave you a good base for how to ruin your life, but misery has no floor and things can always get worse! Do not be a slacker, if you want to screw things up…really screw things up. First, you can live in filth, do not clean your home or car. Do not make your kids pick things up either, that would be oppressive.

Secondly, we all have too much time, so it is essential you waste yours. Do you play video games? Of course you do! Play more! How about sports, are you watching and obsessing about children playing a game for millions of dollars. Great, make sure that you talk about these games constantly with your friends.

Let us not forget social media, you can burn through hours a day yelling about Trump (or for him, it makes no difference). Do not make yourself better spending your time learning and growing, that might pull you up. Television is another great way to kill time and you should be devoting 6-hours a day to it, this way you have something to talk to Karen about when she brings in the donuts mentioned earlier.

Lastly, do not take chances. Do not travel or see the world, except to Disney land or the Grand Canyon, just waste your time and money on things to make you look good in front of the neighbors. History other cultures and experiences are a waste of time.

I think if you follow the above advice by 35 you will be wishing you committed a crime and spent your years in jail. To close out go ahead and add the icing to the cake; pick up that drug habit we discussed earlier.

Conclusion: How to Ruin Your Life

You get the point; I assume no man wants to know how to ruin their life. Yet, look around. How many people do you know living some or all of what I mentioned? You might be guilty of many of these actions yourself. Ruining your life is not hard, it entails ignoring the important and blaming others for your problems. Add to that doing what feels right in the moment while ignoring the future consequences and you have a recipe for a terrible existence.

Take care of the basics, there will be challenges and problems, but in order to have a shot at long terms success you need to take action. Do the hard things that breed positive results. If you are young, be careful how much debt you take on and major in useful things. Pick your wife carefully, if at all… the pool of good women is shrinking. There is no better way to destroy your future than to get a bad wife.

For god’s sake take care of your career. I know so many people who sit in the same company for decades and do nothing to improve their situation. There is no climbing the corporate ladder, jump from one ladder to the next. Take chances in your life, you only get one.

Clearly take care of your finances and health. These are simple, but not always easy things to do. You will mess up, skip the gym, or overspend. Be hard on yourself and do more. You have two choices, you can work toward a better future, or drift toward a terrible one. Men today need to improve and stop making it harder on themselves. Above all demand excellence from yourself and family, it may be contrary to all this self-esteem building advice out there, but you will be better off for it.

The post How to Ruin Your Life: A Complete Guide for Men appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

Of course, there are more than ten things a man should not do. I can write a book on what behaviors men should avoid. These are just some of the things I have been pondering. We need to do better, or we risk becoming extinct. A lot of guys are buying into this idea of modern masculinity, because they are lazy, it is more comfortable than the alternative. It may be easier to watch The View and have dinner ready for your wife when she gets home, but it is not how men are built.

What is going on in Western Society today is sad. Too many of us are letting our laziness and impulses rule our behavior. It might sound like hyperbole to write, but I think the future of society is at stake. Do not make any mistake about it, those in power want us weak. Livestock are easily ruled, therefore there is a push to make men sheep.

There is a code of conduct that every man should follow. We need to be ethical, not impulsive. Strong, and not reckless. Let me jump into this discussion of things men should never do.

Wear a Jersey/Be Addicted to Sports

I lumped these two together because they are related, although each could technically get their own section. Unless you are a 10-year old boy or on a professional team, there is no way in hell a jersey should find its way onto your body. I love these guys that walk around with a Tom Brady jersey on their back. They are commonly a 250lb., out of shape 40- year-old man, who has never played a down of football.

When you put a jersey on your back you are telling the world that you idolize another man. Many times, this person you are bowing down to is in his late teens or early 20s, mentally a child. It is bad enough people worship kids playing a game, but they announce it to the world. You are telling everyone how much you look up to another because he plays a sport well. Why don’t you bring this guy in to sleep with your wife, tape it, and play it for your friends and coworkers? It will be just as humiliating.

Never put another man on a pedestal. You can respect and learn from someone’s accomplishments, but unless you are deeply religious, there is no one you should be worshiping.

Addicted to Sports….

On a similar token, stop obsessing over sports. I know men, grown men, who let a game played by children ruin their weekend when their team loses. Sports are fine, but you should be playing them not sitting on your couch with Dorito stained hands watching. In the days of the Roman Empire, sports were used to control the masses, they are today as well it seems.

When we waste time obsessing about our team and memorizing stats of our favorite player, we aren’t working to enhance our own life. Sports turn off your mind, which is ok every now and again, but not consistently. When fixated on sports you are drowning out reality. Football, baseball, and basketball are arbitrary games where people are paid millions to play, do not put too much emotion into it.

It is sad whenever I am with a group of other men, all they do is talk about their favorite team (usually where they happened to be born). People are extremely passionate about it, sometimes violently. I guess it is easier than discussing something of substance. It is unfortunate they do not get as passionate about the state of their lives as they do about their local sports team.

Pursue Another Man’s Wife or Girlfriend

I will admit I have done this in the past, and I have felt like a jerk after the dust cleared. It was 12- years ago and it still bothers me. Never again will I hook up with a married woman. First, by doing so I am hooking up with a low-quality person. Any woman who cheats is not the cream of the crop. Why would I want to be with someone who is low-quality?

Secondly I know how painful a divorce can be, I do not want to be a factor in causing one. Besides the legal consequences (in North Carolina you could be sued for being the other man), there is the knowledge that you participated in destroying someone’s life.

This goes for trying to steal another man’s girlfriend as well. You do this to someone, someone does it to you, do we really need all this conflict over women? Single women are a dime a dozen, do not pursue one that is taken.

Going after a married woman says something about your character. We all have heard about a person that slept with his friend’s wife. How do you view that guy? Is that the type of man you want to be? Do you really get your self-esteem from the approval of women? That is a sign of weakness, not strength. If you are willing to destroy another person’s life to get your rocks off you are corrupt. Be a man with morals, find your own woman.

Forget to Have Standards

Why is it no matter how obviously wretched a woman is men will line up to give her compliments and hook up with her? So many of us have blinders on when it comes to relationships. The problem is men have not set up standards for their partner. They see a girl and they are desperate for her attention and approval.

Women can ruin your life. I repeat, they can ruin your life. You get into a relationship without vetting the person first, you are risking your money and freedom. She could be violent, the town pump, deeply in debt etc… yet many men will not know this (or ignore the signs) until the ring is on her finger. You need to look for red flags from the first date (read my post here on this)

I am the first to admit I did not always have standards. When I was younger, I was so obsessed with getting a girlfriend that I did not demand quality. These mistakes were paid for in headaches and heartbreak. Alcoholics, women who became obese, cheaters, I have gone through it all. Finding a quality woman may feel like finding a needle in a haystack, but it will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Please learn from my mistakes, have standards

Allows Himself to Get Bullied

A man must have the capacity to commit violence but must also have the self-control to only use it when absolutely necessary. Violence should always be the last resort, still there are times when it is essential. It may sound strange, a grown man getting bullied, but it happens. Go to a party or a bar where too much alcohol is being served and you can find yourself in a risky situation.

Violence is not the only way a man can get bullied. A boss or coworker that degrades you in front of the team (or at all) is a bully. Of course, I am not advocating violence against your employer. You can verbally and professionally stand up to a superior, making it clear you are no one’s punching bag. One of two things can happen when you stand up for yourself, he will back off or you will lose your job. Both are preferable to being bullied at work.

Men are also bullied by their wives. How many weak guys have you seen cower to their woman in the supermarket or a department store? Contrary to what society is telling you, you need to be the man in your relationship. This means taking the lead and not rolling over and letting your wife or girlfriend degrade you.

When it comes to things a man should never do, allowing himself to get bullied is high on the list. If you let someone walk all over you, you will be a doormat your whole life. Whether it is a friend, boss, coworker, wife, or a stranger, assess the situation and pick the appropriate response to make it clear you are no one’s target.

Waste Time on Social Media

My favorite line in Game of Thrones was “a lion does not concern himself with the opinions of the sheep.” Facebook is where the sheep hang out. There is truly little upside to using Social Media. Do you really need to know what the kid who sat next to you in 8th grade had for dinner?

Social media is a cesspool of people arguing and trying to get confirmation bias for their own wretched opinions. These people are not thinkers, they are livestock. The louder someone is on Facebook, the less intelligent they seem to be. People on these sites spew out their half-baked ideas to the public, blaming their problems on someone else. I personally got rid of my Facebook account years ago.

I never understood the appeal of Twitter as well, it is a collection of nuts with bullhorns. Every now and again a “media” organization will use Twitter rants as a news story. Why is this? They are picking and choosing the tweets to make you think the way they want you to. A weaker minded individual will say, “everyone agrees so I must as well.”

The only account I still have is Instagram, and this is for one of my blogs. I rarely go on it anymore; it too is mind-numbing. Instagram is for people who want to show the world how wonderful their life is, once again to gain the approval of others. This goes back to the G.O.T. quote “The lion does not care about the opinion of the sheep,” if you are trying to impress people with shirtless pics, you are no lion.

Follow in a Relationship

Ignore this advice to your own peril, if you do not lead in your marriage or relationship you will lose your partner. Take it from me, I lived this mistake. Do not pay attention to the popular nonsense out today, a man needs to be the head of the household. Unfortunately, the majority of men today do not lead because they are A) voluntarily giving away their power or B) Lazy.

Women respect strength. I know the Huffington Post will say that I am spewing out toxic masculinity but being overly emotional or showing weakness will doom your relationship. You need to take the lead in the decision making (I am not saying ignore your wife’s input). Even something as small as “what do you want for dinner or what movie shall we see?”… be decisive. No matter how equally a woman wants to be perceived, leadership and strength naturally breed attraction. Lose that and you lose your relationship.

Gossip

One of the things a man should never do is gossip. Gossip is for old ladies and women at hair salons, not men. It is done by inferior people to make themselves look and feel better. Talking behind a person’s back or spreading rumors and half-truths is just a low thing to do.

Nobody is perfect, and we all have our shortcomings. I could think of no good reason to point out someone else’s problems to the world. There is nothing more pathetic than watching a man tell stories like he is Mildred in the nursing home. This is another reason to stay off social media, it is full of people revealing each other’s worse mistakes.

What do you accomplish by bringing someone’s problems out into the public? All you do is make yourself look bad and hurt another human being. I know these days it is all the vogue to throw others under the bus for your own amusement. In my eyes you look like an untrustworthy jerk when you engage in this behavior. Do not speak ill of people until you know the facts and do not pass on those facts unless it is relevant. You will be a better man for it.

Cheats

I understand the urge to step out on your partner, I was married for 6 years. Sex in a long relationship can get monotonous, but that does not give you the right to be unfaithful. Be a man, if something is not working for you, fix it, end it, or live with it.

Of course, there may be exceptions, but they are rare. I know wives that happily (and unilaterally) end sex in a marriage. They will also make a divorce difficult. If this is happening and there is no way to fix the issue, infidelity can almost be excused. Still, every other option should be exhausted to remedy the situation before you do this.

Most cheaters do not fall into the above category. Before breaking the vow that you took ask yourself if you desire to be viewed as a cheater. We all must look ourselves in the mirror and not feel shame. If you break your commitment, gravely hurting someone you care about in the process, what kind of man does that make you? A man with morals and self-control does not step out on his wife.

Become a Parasite

Some men, especially young men, do not seem to have a problem with expecting others to take care of them. They have become parasites, draining society and/or their family of resources. When did it become socially acceptable to be a leech? So many today are entitled and lazy, they would rather complain and demand handouts than earn their own living.

Look no further than a Bernie Sanders rally, you will see grown men (well legal adults) demanding someone else pay for their student loans, health care, and rent. There is no shame in asking for (or getting) help when you have been kicked in the teeth by life, as long as it is not stolen or expected. There is shame in demanding the world to take care of you. You are not entitled to anything you did not earn. Grow up and take care of yourself.

Being a parasite does not only entail sponging off the government, it includes leeching off your wife or parents. If you are 30-years old and living with mommy and daddy (with no plan) then you are a parasite. I understand things happen, but the situation needs to be temporary.

As for your wife, if you are surviving off her you are failing yourself, your partner, and your marriage. A man takes care of himself and family. Period. I have known full time sponges who never work and let their wives pay the bills. I do not understand how they can live with themselves. If you are being taken care of by the government, your wife, or mommy and daddy you’re a child.

Quits

I will end this on a positive note. My motto these last few months has been, “this world will have to kill me, because it is not going to break me.” Life is not easy; this year has proven that for many men. It feels like every day there is some trainwreck or setback. Eventually if we keep going the universe will get tired of throwing disasters our way.

I spoke to a fellow coworker who got laid off, she told me she stopped trying to find work. Her exact words were, “I quit, no one wants me, I am no good for anyone, everything in my life has fallen apart.” This is how women think, not men; it certainly is not how I will face these difficult times.

Yes, things are tough, but I know I must keep moving forward. If I write 10,000 words and no one reads this site, I will write another 10,000. If I get rejected in 100 interviews, I will send my resume to another 100 companies. At the end of the day all we can do is fight for the life we want. I honestly believe even though there are setbacks you keep plowing ahead and good things will happen.

Things a Man Should Never Do

Those are ten, but there are certainly more things a man should never do. The above is what jumped out at me, even I have committed some of these crimes against masculinity. If you fairly examined this list, it would be hard to argue any of these points. Unfortunately, many will disregard what I have to say here, it is easier than facing reality.

The post 10 Things a Man Should Never Do appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

Late 2019 I had all a man could want. A great job, a loving wife who I traveled with extensively. We also just moved into a new home; everything was looking up (read more about my story here).

Enter 2020. My marriage fell apart, I lost my well-paying job in one of the worst job markets in the past 100 years. My health suffered; due to stress eating I gained 30 LBS. I was kicked out of my brand-new home and away from my dog (love that dog). On top of that one of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer. It felt like my world was falling apart, like the universe is out to get me, and me alone.

I told myself “I lost everything, how can I go on?” I have no future. My dreams of having a child with the love of my life are over. At 44 I may never have children. I also could not fathom a life where I had a career path that was promising. It is impossible to even get an interview in this environment.

I felt like I was plummeting from 10,000 feet up and I had nothing to grab on to. Then I took a deep breath and made a commitment to myself. I would have the life I wanted or die trying. Currently I am on my way to rebuilding some semblance of a normal life. There is pain, frustration, and even some humiliations, but I will not stop until I get what I deserve. This is what I learned when I lost everything.

Tips for When You Lost Everything

Everyone has a different definition of what it means to lose it all. For some it is a death, others a divorce or job loss. Or you could be like me and have multiple catastrophes at one time. Whatever your situation I believe that the below advice can be applicable. Even if you are starting with nothing, there is nowhere to go but up.

1. Did You really lose Everything?

Can you really say I lost everything or is it just I lost a lot? This is not to diminish your pain, but to make you realize that you may still have some assets left. If you lost everything, then how are you reading this? See, you still have your eyes, that is a start.

The purpose of this is to gather what you still do have and help use this as a base to get your life back. I once read an interesting statement, “there is always someone in a worse situation then you”. Not that is of any real comfort, but it is worth considering. Someone would kill to have what you have right now, even at your worst. You may have lost a lot, but you did not lose everything because you have air in your lungs and your heart is beating.

2. Accept the Situation

When I lost everything, it was like a bad dream. My wife telling me she wanted a divorce was the worst aspect of it. I thought she was temporarily insane, and she would bounce back. I was wrong. On the job front it was also assumed that my Furlough would end and I would be working again. I was lying to myself.

I was not facing reality; Really I thought I could not face it. My mindset was that I could change what was happening, not realizing that it was already gone. This thought process wasted time. Although you may be in shock it is best to accept the new reality as quickly as possible.

Wishing things were the way they were does not change the facts. I lost everything, I needed to accept the new reality. I cannot make someone love me. Therefore, I needed to accept a world where I was not loved by a wife. I now have less money, needed a place to live etc. You cannot move forward unless you accept the new world order. Do not wallow in self-pity, figure out what is next. Easier said than done I know, but it must be this way.

3. Take Responsibility

It may be tempting to think of yourself as the victim, but I bet there are things you did to help facilitate this situation. Even if you had the world screw you, like my employer and wife did, it is MY FAULT. I could have been better in my marriage. I was not a leader in my own household, in my opinion this is what made my wife leave. This does not excuse her giving up on her commitment. It does give me some power over the situation.

As for my job, well I told myself for years that I needed to develop multiple sources of income, yet it was always, I will do it tomorrow. I could not have predicted that a global pandemic would destroy the economy, but I knew something was going to happen. Somewhere along the line there would be layoffs, or the company would be sold. I allowed myself to be at their mercy for my livelihood.

Therefore, both situations were my fault. Do you know how freeing it is to say that? When you put yourself in control of your problems, you control your destiny. I can easily blame my wife, the government, and my company for stabbing me in the back, but where does that get me? I lost everything because I did not do enough to stop it. Conversely I will get it back by doing more than is needed. Regardless of what happened to you, your actions can make it better.

4. Find Stability

This might be difficult, but it is essential. You cannot do anything until you have some semblance of normality. I do not know what you lost, but let us say it is literally everything, but your health. If it is your job and home, find anything to get by.

As for your living situation, if you must rent a room from someone, move into a family’s house or any friends that will take you in. You need a home base. That is your first priority. You cannot be living in chaos moving from one bed to the next (or worse homeless). This is to regroup not to retreat. You lost everything, get some sense of normality to take the next steps forward.

It is for this reason I find it so important to accept the reality of the situation. Once you do this you will find a new jumping off point. The purpose is to minimize the chaos that has ensued in your life so as to build toward a better future. Yes, you will be living with less than you had, but you need some shred of normalcy to move ahead.

5. Fix What is in Your Control

You cannot change the fact that you were let go from your job. You can apply to 1000 postings, you control that, but you cannot force new employers to look at your resume. There is no control over your wife leaving you if she has made her mind up. These things are out of your realm of influence. Yes, you may have had some part in your own demise, but you can only change the future.

This goes for past mistakes, there is no reason to harp on them except to learn. Unless you own a powered-up DeLorean, you cannot go back to the past and change what was screwed up.

You know what you can do? Make sure your living space is spotless. You can get in the bests shape possible. Take a training course to better yourself. If you concentrate on what you control, your life will improve. It may take time, it may feel like you are making no progress, but keep going. Make the best of what you can influence, there is nothing else you can do.

6. Determine Your Purpose

I mentioned this in my post here about starting over at 40. It bears repeating, because it is an essential step. Now is the time to determine what you really want out of life. Not what you were told to want, not what society or your parents want you to have. You need to decide what you want out of this existence.

Sometimes this almost may seem depressing, especially if you were previously living the life you dreamed of. It is necessary to be able to build toward the future that fulfills you. When I lost everything, I was a mess, it is this focus on my future that gets me through the hard times. I do not know how I would go on if I thought all was lost.

7. Work Your A**off to Achieve Your Goals.

Now that you know what you want, go get it. This is why tip number 3 is so important. You need a place that you can build from. Use the pain of what you lost to fuel your actions toward a better future. Once you determine what you want, the life YOU truly desire, stop at nothing until you get there.

I lost everything I hold dear, but I know what I want. I want freedom, that is the purpose of this website. Part of freedom means owing no one money, so I am eliminating as much debt as possible. I am also building many side incomes, once built, I will never be dependent on a company again for my financial stability. Lastly, a single man is a free man, I will embrace this. This is my focus, you must determine your own.

What is your dream? Want a new wife and home (to each his own I guess) what do you have to do to get it? Do not pine for what you lost, concentrate on what you will gain. Every free second is to be spent on fixing what is wrong.

8. Get the Idea of Comfort out of Your Head

I get it. There is nothing but pain, noise, and chaos…it is all overbearing. You may be tempted to eat your feelings and sleep until noon. Get those notions out of your mind. All that does is temporarily numb the pain, after that you have bigger problems. Your situation has not improved, in fact it is getting worse.

This goes for alcohol, drugs, porn, and even excessive T.V… Turning off your mind will not heal you. Every minute you spend wallowing in Bourbon and Bigbootymidgets.com is a minute you are not working toward your dreams. Accomplishing your goals and building a life that was better than before is what will fix your mental health. Instead of temporally numbing the pain, use the pain as fuel to get you where you need to be.

9. Understand You Are Human

I have a confession, I talk a lot of BS, but I am not Superman. Four months after my job and pending divorce and there is still a lot of pain. Sometimes it feels like it is two steps forward five steps back. Some progress has been made, for example I have lost 15lbs of the weight. Still I have 20LBS to go.

The pain of what I had before I lost everything is always ringing in my ears. Although I do not make a habit of it, I will still try to numb the pain with alcohol and food at times (I end up regretting that). There are days where no matter how much I try and pep myself up I cannot get out of the funk I am in. The path looks too overwhelming, the journey too hard. The concept of happiness is foreign to me.

If your world fell apart, it is natural to be depressed. Do not beat yourself up over mistakes. If you breakdown or cannot let go right away cut yourself some slack. Keep taking steps forward, but realize you are human. Do not wallow day in and day out, but understand, you are expected to feel pain.

10. Think of it as a Blessing

Sometimes a building needs to be torn down for new, better one to be built. This is what happened to me (and I am assuming you). I hated my job, still losing it was difficult. Moving ahead with my life means letting that go. The same could be said about my wife, I thought our marriage was happy, still there were problems even I saw. Losing her will help end some of the constant stress I was under.

Losing everything is a learning experience. People need to remember that anything can be taken away from you. In reality I was blind to this fact. I did not work hard to protect what I had and my livelihood. I can say I lost everything and curl up into a ball or I can learn and grow.

ORDO AB CHAO, Order out of chaos…this is what we will strive for. Too much order and you never grow, you never take a step forward. We get better when we are forced to be better. When life is kicking us and pain is never ending this is when we make strides in our lives if we let ourselves. This is where we grow and become more like the people we want to be. You lost everything…so did I. Now what are you going to do about it?

Bonus Tip: Get Help

I am not a expert, but I know pain. If you feel there is no hope, please do not do anything drastic. Too many people are ending their own lives in these times because they lost everything. If you think the pain is too difficult to handle please visit this web address here. I understand pain, but there is a light if you will let yourself see it. Do not be too proud to get help. You are not alone in your pain more so today. Men especially are having a rough go at it.

You may also benefit from a support group. I found a couple at Meetup.com (but there are plenty of others) with people that were going through similar hardships as myself. I joined a divorce and separation group; it helps to have someone to talk to who knows what you are going through.

Conclusion: I lost Everything

This site is geared to helping men, but I think these days the above advice is relevant to both sexes. Every life has its ups and downs, pain is part of the process. The saying this too shall pass has never been more relevant as it has been this year. There is nothing left to do when you feel like you lost everything other than keep taking as many steps forward as possible.

The post I Lost Everything: 10 Steps to Bounce Back appeared first on A Reinvented Man.

The main thing needed when trying to figure out how to start over at 40 is purpose. You need to figure out exactly what you want out of life, not what your parents wanted, society expects, what YOU want. Without direction there is no starting over.

Given I lost so much (read the About Me section to read more) at the age of 44, I have to imagine and craft the life that I want in my head. Now it is a matter of working to make this life a reality. Below I will give a couple of more tips on how to start over at 40 or older.

What Other Option Do You Have?

Before I begin the steps of how to start over at 40, ask yourself the above question. If you lost everything or are in a life you hate can you afford to not take the steps to start over? Do you want to spend the next 5, 10, 15, or 20 years rotting away in an existence you hate? If your life is not what you want it to be you have two choices, suffer, or change it. I do not think I would voluntarily choose a life of suffering.

Time is Valuable

In our 40s time is not on our side like it was when we were in our 20’s and 30’s. At 25 I thought I had all the time in the world to create the life I wanted. Along the way it was so easy to get caught up in the day to day hustle of a corporate job, relationships, and marriage. Our dreams start to be replaced with comfort and certainty.

Now that you are starting over in your 40s, things are different. You need to buckle down, there is no more wasting time…once you figured out what you want out of life, every waking moment must be concentrated on building the existence you desire. EVERYDAY IS CRUCIAL TO WORKING ON YOUR GOALS!

Limit the Noise

This world is full of things to distract us or waste our time. The obvious such as T.V., social media, etc… need to be cut out. Then there are the less obvious things, having too much stuff for example and the way this clutter drains our time and mind. Friends talking you into drinks every night can also get in the way. Anything that is keeping you from working on your goals is now a liability you cannot afford to take on.

Energy is Key

No matter where you are in your journey it is important to take care of yourself. If you are starting over at 40 you may not have the same energy levels as you did when you were in your 20s. That is not set in stone. Once you get a healthy diet and exercise routine in place your energy will come back to better levels. You cannot accomplish your goals while living an unhealthy lifestyle. If you try, you will find you do not have the energy to work late nights or long days.

One of the best things about improving your health when starting over at 40 is it is one of the few things you can control. Yes, you can act toward the dream career or new relationship. Sometimes it is a waiting game. Many times, you must rely on others to move forward. Improving your health is something you can do now and see direct results to your actions.

Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

When starting over at 40 there will be setbacks. Things may be difficult and uncomfortable. There may be days, weeks, months, and even years were almost no progress is being made. You will fail. Especially if you are trying something outrageous, there will be failures. Everyone fails, when you succeed no one sees the failures, they just look at the accomplishment.

There will be a time when everything is going wrong and that the little voice in your head is telling you to quit. You are too old. How can you start over at 40? You should just give up. This is the same jerk of a voice that got you where you are to begin with. You need to ignore that voice in your head and keep pushing.

Self Confidence is Key

There will be people trying to get you back to the standard. I recently just had my life blown up on many fronts. People close to me told me you will get married again and find a great job. It does not sink in to anyone that my long term goals are not to work for a corporation and have a wife. Yet people will push you or shame you into living the life they think you should…ignore them.

This is your life, not theirs, do not let others dictate how you live. I will not lie, spouses (especially wives) can be great at killing dreams. Do not disrespect your spouse, but do not let them stand in your way. Unless of course your dream is to have several girlfriends on the side, not a great goal in this situation.

Excuses Need to Be Stopped

We are great at talking ourselves out of living the life we want. I personally do not have kids, but you might. You may say, I will start over when the kids are older, or my wife doesn’t like me doing XYZ…stop this thinking. Of course, if you have obligations take care of them, do not neglect your family (if you have one). On the other hand, do not use them as an excuse as to why you cannot be who you want to be. There are ways to have both a family and goals, just be responsible about it. If you do not you may resent them when you are older.

Other things we tell ourselves is we are not talented enough to do XYZ…trust me, whenever you see someone at the top of their field, they started off poorly at what they did. If you want to be a writer, for example, write, do not let someone tell you you are not good enough. The most important thing to do when figuring out how to start your life over at 40 or older, is just take action.

What if You Are Right?

There are a million mental obstacles as to why you cannot start your life over at 40. You will ask yourself, what if I fail? What if I am too old…etc. Have you considered the other option? What if you are right? How will your life look in 5-years if you achieve even partial success? Say you wanted to change careers and you accomplished what you set out to, think of how the rest of your life will improve.

Many of us are so negative in our thoughts, we think we can never be what we want to be. I am here to tell you if you want to start over at 40, list everything you desire to accomplish, you will hit most targets. If you say I want to change my career, get a new relationship, and get healthy, keep aiming. When you work on those things every day you will have success eventually. It may look different than you first imagined it would. Stay true to yourself and you will be happier in the long run.

Conclusion: How to Start over at 40

You are not too old at 40 to start over. You are not too old at 50, 60, but your options get a bit more limited as you get older, but that is about it. You need to define your purpose and then devote yourself toward working to this purpose. If you do not know who you are and who you want to be, how can you start over? Your life is not over now… figure out what you want, figure out the steps to get there and do not stop moving until you get the results you desire.

The post How to Start Over at 40 appeared first on A Reinvented Man.