In late 2019 I was coming back from Palermo, Sicily. It was one of my favorite places on earth, the best of many trips. I had a beautiful wife who I loved immensely, a good job that was sometimes fulfilling. Even if I lost the job the economy was so great, I could find another position in no time. We were also moving into a new home complete with four bedrooms, a pool house, and a pool. Finally, a backyard so my dog can run around. I loved this house.
My health was also great at this time, despite having ate my way through Italy, a quick fast and I was hovering around 200 Lbs… Life was great, I remember distinctly saying to myself, things are going too well, something must be lurking. I immediately told myself I was crazy; That I earned this life I should enjoy it.
THE TIDES TURN…
I must have sat on a crystal ball, because I was right; I had no idea how bad things were to get in just a few short months. Come January my boss retired, and I was forcibly moved to a new department. This changed my attitude and my stress levels. The home we moved into was a lot further from the office, adding to my stress, but I did not mind too much. Then covid hit.
In April, my life truly fell apart, being that I was the newest guy in the department I was the first to be furloughed. My actual (new) boss did not even tell me, he was taking care of his sick wife. Instead his peer, who can only be described as the ultimate cuckold, laid me off. I was told “this is of no fault of your own”. An inferior man was informing me that my livelihood was gone.
That statement was of little condolence. After years of hours in airports, working Sundays, and sometimes not even seeing daylight, I was thrown away at the first sign of trouble. The most humiliating part was sitting down with my wife and telling her what had happened. Still finances were not a pressing issue, she has an excellent job and we have considerable savings. On the other hand, money was in the back of my mind, I did not want to blow through a everything I tucked away. At least I had my wife and home.
You know where this is going. About two weeks after my job loss, my wife stopped giving me any affection. Our intimate life was already in decline, but there was still love and physical affection. Not long after that, a family emergency forced her to leave for a few days.
On her return I hear the words “I cannot do this anymore”. What is interesting, while in the airport she was sending us vacation ideas. Now three days later she says the dreaded “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. I am officially her buddy.
I vow to fight for the marriage, she gives me some time (since I lost my job) to stay in the house. I thought I could fix it. I was wrong. What resulted next were three months of someone taking a blow torch to my soul. I was humiliated, I was in pain…I lost so much in a short amount of time. I felt as if I was falling with nothing concrete to grab onto.
Moreover, a slew of other things went wrong. I gained weight, about 30 LBs…with no gyms and stress all I did was eat. My other website was hit with a wicked computer virus. Between that and covid my traffic plummeted to near 0. My car was falling apart, with thousands of dollars’ worth of needed repairs…you get the idea, my life was in a tailspin, but I came to a realization.
IT WAS ALL MY FAULT
I lost my job, house, and wife in a matter of months. Yes, my wife left me, kicking me out of our home and yes, I was screwed in my job…but I let it happen. I left myself open, allowing others to have power over me, my financial health, my happiness. I let myself be exposed to play the part of the victim.
This is why I decided to start this site. I know I am not the only one to have their world taken from them. I want to document my journey. In the process help other men take their own life back. Yes, this blog will be aimed at men (but not primarily). We are losing power over their own lives in this world. It is time we lived how we wanted and not under the boot of others. This is my story. The story continues for now. The pain is still here, the humiliation is still here, but I will overcome this time in my life and be stronger for it.