It is funny the things that a newly separated man looks up. I always thought I was in a happy marriage, until the wife dropped the divorce bomb on me. Looking around, I realize I am not the only one who experienced this. So why are so many marriages failing? Why is the divorce rate at close to fifty percent, with a large percentage of the others unhappy?
I am just a man living through this situation, not a marriage counselor or Oprah relationship expert. Having said this, I would argue so many marriages are failing because men are no longer leaders in their household. Women see this and although they push a different narrative, they lose respect for a man when he follows. This would explain why women initiate about 80% of the divorces.
Today’s society has warped the family unit and nature itself. Human beings are mammals. Both men and women have biological predispositions, evolution made us that way. Yet today all the roles are being reversed. Women demand to be leaders and men are coddling and weak.
Men biologically are supposed to be strong. If you are letting your wife wear the pants in the family, you are doing your marriage a disservice. I am not saying lead in a controlling or abusive way, so please do not get any stupid inferences. If you are asking why so many marriages are failing, I would argue that both men and women are equally responsible because the way the institution is viewed today.
Most Marriages are Unhappy
First and foremost, marriages are failing because no one is happy. Stats do not lie. I already pointed out that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Some argue that this number is higher but let us keep this at 50%. Of the last 50%, at least 40% say they are not happy in the marriage. Do some quick math, 100 people get married, 50 divorce another 20 are not happy. There is a 70% chance you are unhappy in a marriage, therefore unhappy in life. How many of those last 30% are just telling themselves they are happy but are lying to avoid admitting they have boring lives?
Other articles lower the happiness number to 17% (reference here) That means that you are dropping 5K – 10K on a ring, paying crazy amounts for a wedding to have less than a one in five shot at a happy life. I do not like those odds.
Men Are no Longer Leaders
Why are so Many Marriages Failing? To begin with men are no longer leaders in their household. Our culture is encouraging men to no longer be in charge. In almost every society in the history of this world men headed the household. In most of the animal kingdom the male leads the family. Now humans are convincing men that they should not be strong. If you are not a provider, protector, and are weak, pack it up now.
This warped idea of toxic masculinity is being spread everywhere these days; suddenly after thousands of years a man’s natural characteristics are looked upon as toxic. We need to shut up and listen to our wives (or we are mansplaining). Women can be (and should be) the bread winner. God the idea of a stay at home dad makes me cringe. Remember watching animal planet and seeing the male lion take care of the cubs while the female protects the family? I do not either.
Men Have Become Weak…
Men’s very nature as leaders and providers has been corrupted. These guys calling their wife “the boss” or living by the motto “happy wife happy life” are killing their women’s attraction toward them.
We are also being pushed out of the workforce. I saw numerous examples firsthand in which a male (who did a good job) was forced out and a woman took over. This was not due to work performance. I know because I was one of them. I will tell my story at a future date, but my career was almost ruined in the name of equality.
We are no longer the bread winners; we cannot have opinions in our own home, and we have allowed ourselves to become physically and mentally weak. How do you think that translates to attraction? If you are asking why are so many marriages failing, quick answer, because so many men are failing.
Women Give Up Easily
As men get weaker their wives’ attraction for them falls. It is funny how some speak out of both sides of their mouth. They say they speak ill of a man who shows masculine qualities yet will leave their soy boy husbands for someone with those same attributes. You cannot fight nature. Women resent men who they feel have no goals (or at least goals they understand) and are looked upon as weak.
Unfortunately, so many women have also been conditioned by the millions of Simps that they can always do better. After they leave their husbands’ they realize that the guys they meet are either going to use them or they are just as pathetic as their husbands. This leaves both parties unhappy.
It can happen quickly
A woman will lose attraction for a man in the blink of an eye. It is easy to figure out what men want…stay in shape, do not destroy your own hair, we are attracted to physical beauty. That is not the only thing that will keep us happy, but as far as attraction is concerned that is what is needed. No one is asking for a supermodel. As long as you make some effort, we will still love you.
At any time in a marriage a woman will lose attraction for her husband, sometimes through no fault of his own. Lose your job and be in a weaker position financially, you will lose your wife’s attraction. Think I am crazy? Read this article here, where the writer basically admits it. 
Women are attracted to strength, no matter what they say, get into a place of weakness or lose your drive and she is gone. Whether it is your job or your own pathetic behavior. In the old days, a woman would stand by her man until he was back on his feet…now society says men are not needed. Marriages are failing not only because of weak men, but because women throw away a lifetime of commitment with the first sign of weakness.
False Expectations
I think women love the idea of being married, and the idea of a beautiful wedding more than what it brings with it. Our culture has a prince charming syndrome, where a marriage is all fairy tales and butterflies. To me, women are in love with the Hallmark version of a marriage, while men are in love with the woman herself. In turn I do not think men realize the work that goes into keeping a marriage happy.
Often reality kicks in after about 6 years, especially if you have a kid or two. Now you are stuck in a monotonous situation and the fairytale of marriage is replaced with the fairytale of freedom. It could take a spark, such as a sudden job loss or it could be a slow burn, where the wife gradually loses respect for the man over time. When it hits a tipping point; it is over and the guy cannot understand what happened. He did not realize that he could never live up to the expectation in his wife’s head. If you want to know why so many marriages are failing, it is because lofty expectations destroyed them before they started.
Trying to Change Him
Women love to “change” men. They marry them, then they dissect their lifestyles and nag to them about things they do not like. If you allow it, before you know it you cannot eat meat in the house and your entire wardrobe has changed. Plus say goodbye to any goals you may have.
Men are simple in terms of what we want. Stay reasonably attractive, do not cause us too much stress and help keep the home clean. Sorry, women are just cleaner than men, and there is nothing worse than a dirty woman.
Ways Men Can Keep their Marriages from failing
Maybe I am not the best person to give advice given my marriage is ending, but I feel like I have acquired a lot from the experience. I plan on writing more about how to keep marriage healthy later on, but below are the highlights I have learned so far as what men can do to keep their marriages from failing.
- Be a Leader: If you want your wife to stay, then you need to keep attraction alive. This cannot be done if you have no direction. Make the decisions and take the lead the with finances (but be transparent). Obviously discuss it with her, but there can be only one leader in a relationship.
- Better Yourself: You should do this whether you are married or not. Do not just wander through life with no direction. Get in shape, put down the porn and video games and make something of your life. Something you want from this existence (not what others want). This again keeps attraction high.
- Put Your Foot Down Early: Make it clear what you want and who you are early in the relationship and stick with it. Refuse to change your beliefs or goals just to make her happy. If one day she tells you, “we are vegan now”…you better be putting burgers on the grill that night. Be unapologetically yourself.
- Tackle Boredom: This goes back to being a leader. If you find your days are all the same, make it a point to fix this. Plan dates or communicate what will work for both of you. Also set some lofty goals together that you can both work toward. This will help you both enjoy the marriage better.
Conclusion: Why are so Many Marriages failing
Marriage is not easy. Once the glitz of the wedding is gone real life begins. Commitment is weak these days. The allure of the free life and the grass is always greener mentality is prevalent all through our society. Our grandparents knew commitment (sometimes to a fault), yet these days we cannot sit through a dinner without checking our phone for something more interesting. If you are not married remember how many unhappy marriages there are before taking the plunge.