Whether you are just starting out in your career or you are a seasoned vet, it is certain you will run into a backstabbing coworker or two. People that smile and joke with you, then attempt to get you fired and ruin your career. These backstabbers turn on you with the false hope that this will make them look better, or perhaps they just may be jealous, hateful people.
It does not matter what their motivations are, backstabbing coworkers can make life in an office hell. This is just one of the many reasons to get out of corporate America. So how do you deal with a backstabbing coworker? First, you must identify them, secondly you learn to avoid them, lastly you must expose them if need be.
One of the worse things about these rats is they are usually corporate hacks who kiss so much arse they need a lip replacement surgery by 40. If you are the new guy or you rub someone the wrong way your future employment may be in jeopardy. I have been there; this is how I have dealt with this problem in the past.
Identify a Backstabbing Coworker
The first thing you need to do is find out who these people are. Keep your ears and eyes open and one’s true nature will reveal itself. If your coworker continuously does one or more of the following you maybe dealing with a rat.
- Gossips or Bad Mouths Others: If you have a coworker who is talking badly about someone else yet will not say it to their face, they are probably a backstabber. If this is what they are doing as soon as someone else walks away, what are they saying about you when you get up?
- Sends Emails Complaining About Something You (or someone else) Did with EVERYONE CC’d in: This is one of my pet peeves. So many employees do this, they publicly point out an issue instead of talking to you in private. They are not interested in getting the problem solved, they want you to look bad.
- Ambush People in a Team Meeting: If someone repeatedly points their finger at someone else in front of the team, this person is a backstabbing coworker. Once again it is not about results it is about trying to make someone seem incompetent.
Motivations to Be A Backstabber
A backstabbing coworker can have many reasons why they participate in this kind of behavior. Knowing their motivation will help you deal with them better. Today the office environment has some unique challenges, especially for men. One’s motivation for backstabbing can go far beyond getting ahead in a job.
- Social Justice Warrior/Feminist: The workforce is all controlled by men, at least that is the lie we are being told. Some Women (and men) will befriend you then use information you reveal to get you fired. I have an example of this a little later. They may do this to get ahead or are simply part of a “movement”. Unfortunately, you can be fired with just an accusation these days.
- The Ladder Climber: These people think that by making you look bad it will deflect from how poorly they are at their job. There is a sense they will be seen as a leader, so they point and criticize the mistakes of others. Of course, this type of backstabbing coworker will also be a huge arse kisser.
- Jealousy or Just a Wretched Person: Some people are just wretched jerks who love drama. Many times, there is jealousy of your personal life or they are simply hateful. They may undermine someone in the office, getting others to follow suit. Once that person leaves (or is fired) they immediately move on to someone else. Their lives are miserable, so they go after others.
These are just a few of the motivations, but there are certainly more. A backstabbing coworker may not always make it known as to why they plot against you. It is important to note these people can be anyone, from a high up manager to an entry level employee. Expect all levels to come for you.
Dealing with a Backstabbing Coworker
Knowing the motivation of a backstabbing coworker can be helpful to nullify their behavior. Keep the below in the back of your mind and it can help you avoid any unnecessary issues in your career. For me, I am in corporate America to give me stability until I can live off my side income. Your motivation may be different, so we want to keep you employed as long as possible. Remember the below:
Coworkers Are Not Friends
With a few exceptions you need to keep this in mind, just because you are interacting with a coworker daily, this does not make them your friend. Too many times men let their guard down and invite trouble where there does not need to be any. I remember a man was in the office for about a month. Two girls befriended him, and he thought they were his buddies. One day they literally grabbed his phone from his hand to see a picture. They proceeded to look at other pictures (without his consent), some of which were a bit uncensored. These “friends” saw their me-too moment and got this man fired. This was his private phone, he received no trial or warning, just lost his job.
Keeping coworkers as coworkers avoids a lot of problems. Limit the personal information you give them, do not make jokes with them etc. Do not assume because they are starting a conversation that you can speak freely. People will use this sick PC environment to destroy the career of those who do not agree with them. Avoid giving them ammunition to do so. Be friendly, but not friends…there is a difference.
Document Everything
I like this strategy, because if used properly you can publicly put a backstabbing coworker in their place. Keep all the emails they send regarding whatever useless project they are discussing. More importantly anything spoken to you confirm via email. This way if they verbally tell you we have another week to finish that report, follow it up with a paper trail. When they attempt to throw you under the bus you can steer that bus on top of them. You may enrage them after this, but they will think twice before making you the target of their malice.
Be Helpful and Do Your Work
It is probably an obvious strategy to keeping a corporate backstabber at bay, but it bears repeating. When a person is looking for reasons to make you look bad, we cannot give them any. Many times, in the corporate world there are useless projects or reports that slip our mind. Too often this can come back to bite us. If you are in a busy period, at least have some answers as to where you are with any outstanding items (no matter how useless). It also is always a good idea to be helpful to everyone, including the backstabber. Pick up extra slack if you can. This is not to try to win them over, but it makes it harder for them to treat you like an enemy if they rely on you.
Confront Them Publicly
Like rats when you shine the light on them these people tend to back off scattering and stuttering. If someone is coming down on you in a meeting, come back at them with something like…”Karen, this is the third time you called me out on something minor, can you explain to me why you could not have just stopped by my desk? We sit 5 ft from each other”. Her name had to be Karen. This will make everyone aware of who they are dealing with. Also, others will applaud you, they may have been her victim in the past.
Ignore Them Until You Move On
I personally think every man’s goal should be to start a side project that will one day replace his income. This way you no longer must rely on a “safe” company paycheck and never have to worry about corporate Karen again. You need to keep these people at arm’s length until you move on, and it may not be worth even playing their game.
Even if you do not have a side income, you should be leaving a company every three to four years anyway, to maximize your salary. Sometimes it is better to deflect their efforts and keep your head down when you know you will be gone shortly.
Do Not Be A Backstabbing Coworker
It may be tempting sometimes in your career for you to play the game and become a corporate backstabber yourself. Shady behavior of this type is not conducive to being a man. When stuck in corporate America you will be a better person trying to lift others up rather than cutting them down. Be the change you want to see. I am not saying let others walk all over you with laziness. What I am saying is if you are all stuck in the rat race, help others when you can, do not hold them back. You will sleep easier and be a better man for it. Men do not grovel and hurt those who are weak, they use their strength to support others.
Conclusion on Dealing with a Backstabbing Coworker
Men have many reasons to try to escape corporate life. Still, certainly there are times you are stuck there. Until you sustain yourself with any side business you must play the game. Do not let the rats that come with work life risk your career and livelihood. Deal with them, but work so you do not have to.