After being married and out of the game for over ten years, I realized something when I jumped back into the dating scene. Dating has changed for men. Well dating has changed for everyone, but it has gotten noticeably harder for men. This is not just me saying this, I belong to a men’s club and most in the group have the same problems. It is as if dating has become a battlefield and the fun has been taken out of the process.
I had a good amount of luck with online sites when I was in my thirties. On multiple occasions I had back-to-back dates, with different women. I met a lot of people, hell I even ended up getting married from a dating site. There were the usual frustrations and I certainly acted the fool at times. Still dating is different now then it was ten years ago. Below are my observations of how things have changed.
1. Women Have Gotten Pickier (Especially Online)
The main way dating has changed for men is that women have many more “deal breakers” then they did in the past. This is due to options or at least attention. Ask one of your female friends to show you her inbox on her dating profile. The amount of matches women get is insane. 1000 different men messaging them. Of course, they don’t realize that generic “hi” is being sent to everything with two X chromosomes.
This type of attention has made women increasingly picky, ready to disqualify a man at the slightest negative characteristic. There are times when a man deserves to be disqualified, but now these deal breakers are out of hand. I have heard of stories where the guy doesn’t have an iPhone or is only 5’9 and she likes to wear heals. A relationship can be a major part of your life, yet women will disqualify a man because of the color of his tie. They say they want a partner but will share one guy who makes $200K and is 6’2, while throwing away even above average men. Women think they will have options forever, so they wait for perfection.
2. Our Competition has Gone Down in Quality
I am not going to design this post as only a bitch fest against women. Men are also to blame for the changing dating scene. Look around, men have gotten fatter and weaker. We are getting lazier as a species and most men do not try anymore. They dress like garbage, watch hours’ worth of Netflix and are addicted to video games. So many of us are physically weaker and more dependent than in the past.
These are not attractive qualities. This should make those of us who try have an easier time. Not necessarily. All this does is make women even more bitter and create even more red flags. Maybe it is the endless scrolling or just a lot of men just gave up on dating, but people need to put in some effort. Dress better, workout, be someone worth attracting. Even if you aren’t looking to date, be stronger for your own sake.
3. Dating Has Changed for Men Because the Quality of Women has Gone Down
Is it just me or are there fewer attractive women around? Maybe it is the death of shaming and the lack of pride, but in almost every characteristic the quality of women has decreased. All it takes is one good eye to see that women, like men, have gotten “more robust” in the last ten years. Most good options (at least in America) are gone.
When you have entire generations being taught “big is beautiful”, real beauty will disappear. What is left is “she will do.” It is harder than ever to find a quality mate. Even if she is attractive, you need to deal with more loud, immoral, and classless women. Both men and women have stop taking pride in themselves and fulfill whatever whim grabs them. This creates fewer and fewer quality partners for men.
4. The Cold Approach has more Risks than in the Past
It used to be there was no online dating. No swiping, no Facebook, if you wanted to date you would either approach a stranger or be introduced by a friend. Actual conversation happened and you would be evaluated like a person, not a bunch of criteria. That’s all gone due to the internet, (Thanks Al Gore). Today, with all the judgement men go through, a simple “hello” can be seen as harassments. Watch this video, where a woman claims to be catcalled 108 times. Yes, some of these guys are certainly rude, but many if not most are saying “how are you doing.” Is this harassment?
I can deal with being rejected, but if simply saying hello makes me a harasser, then dating isn’t worth the hassle. It is now weird or creepy to try and start up a conversation with a woman randomly. I am not talking about the obvious catcalls, but why is “how are you” frowned upon? Only through all human history have men approached women. Now it is taboo and I don’t get it. This funnels men back into online dating. Women are noticeably colder when you approach them then they were in the past. Making dating itself more difficult.
5. Dating a Work is a No GO
There are still exceptions, but today one is much less likely to meet a potential mate at work. The risks are too high. Personally, I would never try to date a coworker, even before the “woke” era. Now, it is worse. I would rather keep my job than deal with the problems at work. Dating has changed for men, because in the past it was almost normal to meet a spouse at work. You spend 9 hours + a day at work, with a wide variety of people, it is natural that things develop.
Presently, ask some out at your job and you are basically asking to be laid off. Once again I am not talking about harassment, but simply showing interest. The wrong accusation kills your career and income. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze. I never saw the logic in it, even ten years ago. Certainly, today I wouldn’t dream of asking a woman out at work.
6. Women are Flakier
With texting rather than phone calls and online dating there is a disconnect between potential partners. Communicating via text puts a wall between people. Men are like Door dash to these women (and sometimes vice versa). All of this disconnect makes it easier to treat men like they are disposable. The amount of corresponding that goes nowhere or leads to ghosting is much higher than in the past.
Understanding that we do this as well, it is overwhelmingly done by women. F*ck, I once got ghosted mid conversation (via text), as we were making plans to go on a date (as a side, never try to date a stripper). It is not uncommon for women to just not show up to a date or be late. Breaking plans at the last minute is also commonplace. Dating has changed for men because women are flakier. Less personal communication has made things worse.
7. Our Competition has Gotten Thirsty
Related to the second one, so many men have become spineless fools for women. They are so desperate to get with someone, anyone, these men will do, act, or say anything to please a woman. I do not want to use the word Simp, since it is so overused as it is, but yes, they are Simps. This behavior changes dating for the rest of us. Now even average and even chunky women have a million suitors trying to please them, creating an entitled dating pool for the rest of us.
These men believe that showering women with praise and even money in some cases will get the desired result. All it does is show them to be weak, no woman worth her weight in silver (which is usually a lot for most ladies these days) wants a weak man. In turn dating we get the below consequence.
8. Women Put in Less Effort
Given the number of men throwing themselves at even they ugliest women, women don’t even need to try. Just look at their profiles, more than half of the women on Match.com don’t even fill out a bio. Maybe a one sentence blurb, that is it. Forget about trying to keep a conversation going or messaging first.
When you don’t have to work to get attention, why do anything more than the bare minimum? Just sit back and let the guys come to you? Pick the one who looks best on paper, then share him with 100 other women.
9. There is Less of a Connection
Ghosting and conversations that go nowhere are part of a bigger problem. There were cell phones and the dating sites 10 years ago, but it feels like they were more of a tool in the past as opposed to the backbone of the dating process. Dating today has a constant wall between you and any future partner. Texting and endless scrolling means there is no connection.
I think it is a form of laziness and unwillingness to do the hard things that created this environment. It is difficult to approach someone, so we don’t. Phone calls are more difficult than texting. People want to do the easy thing, but the easy thing in dating (as with everywhere else) has consequences. The results of endless scrolling and texting is there is no human connection, it feels we are reduced to a dating resume that is being looked over in 3 seconds.
10. Those on Top Do Well
There is a major discrepancy between the success of the bottom 80% of men and top 20%. The article I linked says the top 20% of men get most of the women, but I think these days it is closer to the top 10%. Women want a man on top of his game. If you are average, it makes dating much more difficult. Now she will either share a man or sit at home with her cats hoping Prince Charming will arrive (In a BMW, and he better be 6’2).
This is not all bad news; it just means you need to work harder. Men have fallen off and women’s standards have gone up. Aim to be at the top of your game and you will achieve success. No more “she will love me for me.” It is unfortunate, but it is true. This may turn you off to dating entirely or make you put in more effort. Just know that the discrepancy has made dating more difficult for men.
Conclusion: How Dating has Changed for Men
To sum it all up, dating has gotten more difficult and less connected. It is just more work, perhaps more than it is worth. There are certainly ways to improve your odds. It is up to you if you want to put the effort in or focus on other parts of your life.