How to Bounce Back When Life Knocks You Down

I started this blog because my life imploded about a year ago. If you read my about me page here I go into more detail. To make a long story short, I lost my job, my wife divorced me, and I was kicked out of my beautiful new home. To make matters worse I lost one of my oldest friends (well he isn’t dead, just abandoned me).

All of this happened in a two-month time frame. In addition, I let myself go, gaining about 35lbs of not muscle. That was then and this is now. I would not be writing a post on how to bounce back when life knocks you down if I didn’t do it myself.

It was not easy. In fact, it was awful most of the time. Hard times will come. Either you can become stronger, or you let your life fall apart further. How you respond dictates which happens. Admittedly, there were days I did not know how I would make it through. Losing everything is not easy. The job market was terrible, and my days were filled with too much time to think.

In order to bounce back when life knocks you down, you need a long-term outlook. Sometimes it is nearly impossible to see better days ahead. The key thing to remember is to keep moving in the right direction… be so stubborn that eventually something good happens.

It worked for me, In the last year I have recovered a lot of what I lost. My life is not the same, in some ways it is better. After contracting, I was offered a fulltime position making more money than I ever did. In addition my relationship is stronger than ever, better then when I was married. My health has a small way to go, but I did take off about half the weight I gained. If I can make things better, so can you. Below is how to bounce back when life knocks you down.

Concentrating On What I Could Control

I could not control the fact that my company was so poorly run that they laid off 15% of their workforce because of a virus. I also could not control my wife’s feelings toward me. On the other hand, I could control the effort in which I tried to gain employment. No matter how many times I was rejected I kept pushing forward. I started looking around the country. After 7 months of unemployment, I found a position that pays better than the one I left. It was a contract at first, but I put in the effort and now it is full time.

There was no real secret except to focus on what I could do. The frustration was terrible at times, but I kept moving forward. Every day I contacted recruiters, applied to jobs, and reached out to people in my contact list. When things go wrong; we should only concentrate on our own behavior. Job offers are scarce, but they are rarer if you do not even try.

I also was in control of my health. I took the initiative and lost 20 of the 35lbs. Yes, I can always look better, but at least that is something under my control. My health is (currently) up to me.

Persistence

How to Bounce Back When Life Knocks You Down

To bounce back when life knocks you down you can’t let yourself stop. It sounds cliché to say, never give up…but never give up. When you are aiming for a goal and especially when you have lost everything it maybe impossible to fathom things will get better. Too many people choose to just quit, that changes nothing

I had a coworker (who was also laid off) that would not even apply to jobs, she says no one is hiring. Well, I am working in a better spot now and she is still sulking in her room. I remember the day when I said I would not stop until I had started working again. How I did this was simple, I made the conscious effort to apply to as many positions a day I saw. It didn’t matter what part of the country, or how unlikely it was, I was going to keep plugging away until I had gotten the results that I wanted.

I was not perfect by any means, but I knew nothing changes unless you make the changes. That means fighting through failures, fighting through setbacks, rejection, pain etc. You never know what is around the next corner, or when the next attempt will result in the ending you want.

Take Ownership

You are not a victim. I was not a victim either. Yes, other peoples terrible decisions resulted in the loss of my job. Yes, my now ex-wife left me at a difficult point, but it was still my fault. I let myself be vulnerable. I did not lead in my marriage and let my circumstances get the better of me. Taking full ownership of your situation is freeing.

When you go into situations with a victim mentality, you are at the whims of other people. Saying to yourself, “I did this” is the first step to “how do I fix this”? The universe does not care if you are a victim or not, your crappy situation is yours to fix.

One of the things I hate so much about the society we live in is no one is to blame for their bad situation. Too many student loans, you are a victim. You are fat and out of shape…not your fault you are a victim of “society’s standards”. People who tell you that you are not responsible for your own life are not your friends or allies. There is no better way to keep someone down than to say, “no matter how hard they try they are doomed to failure”. Do not listen to anyone who blames others, take ownership of your own life.

Self-Improvement

Maybe I didn’t have a job, but I had time… thanks company. So, what did I do? I reflected a lot, took long walks to think. In addition, I increased my workouts. I learned new skills, like cooking. The one thing about being unemployed is that while you are working toward things getting better, you have the rare commodity of time.

There are only so many hours in the day; when working, I hardly do anything in the little free time I have. When I was laid off, I realized I can only apply to so many positions, did I watch T.V. all day? At first maybe, then I found ways to better myself. Sometimes when trying to figure out how to Bounce Back when life knocks you down, gaining a new skill will launch you forward. Do not waste the gift of time, no matter how depressed you are.

How am I Doing Now?

As mentioned, it has been a year (and change) since I lost my life, and it was not an easy year, but I pulled through. After the first 8-months of being unemployed my hard worked paid off. I received a job offer that paid more than my last spot. It was an incredibly tough year, but it passed.

As for my relationship, the situation has turned around as well. It is funny how a job makes one more attractive, my now Ex-wife and I are now close again, we will keep it at that. I still have hesitations about the relationship, but things are as good as they ever were when we were married. I am different so the marriage is different. One major change is I am not letting anyone else dictate my life. This is a story for another time.

I have some more work to do of course, I bounced back, but I am not perfect. My health and finances still are in recovery mode, but overall I would say I improved nicely. Yes, it was terrible, I could not always see the steps in front of me. At the end of the day, it is my life and it is up to me to fix it.