I started this blog years ago. It was after I lost everything, a bad divorce and job loss the same week. I thought I would never go through bullsh*t again, like I was hardened from the relationship. Not so fast. Three years into the future I am still dealing with women and their issues. Judging from the title “lessons men learn after a breakup” you can guess that I went through something similar again A breakup not a divorce).
Funny thing, I broke a lot of my own rules. I wrote this article here regarding breakups, and yet I didn’t take the advice (to my own peril). You can know what to do and still mess up. I showed too much emotion. Dated too quickly. On top of this I still wanted her to return. Rereading it reminded me that you have to build a life based on your new reality, not with what you thought would happen.
This is not to say I sent endless texts to win her back. I did cut off contact with her, but it was harder than I thought. It is important to self-reflect and dwell on the lessons men learn after a breakup. At this point in my life, I should be a book of knowledge.
1. Lessons Men learn after a breakup: Women can be Savage
There was a huge disconnect between the person I thought I was dating and the person that left me. This is a theme I have seen countless times. One day she is acting like an amazing partner (literally the day before) the next she is ushering me out of her life. For a sex that is so emotional, they can shut it off on a dime. It is unreal.
Once the conversation happened, it was 15-minutes, I was out the door, and it was over. She said I will call you later. That was a 5-minute call. From talking every day and seeing each other a few times a week to nothing. I don’t have it in me, they do. I have seen this before, I got to give the women credit, they can be savage.
2. There is Nothing You could have done (Sometimes)
One of the major things I realized after this recent breakup was there was nothing I could have said or done after the decision was made to change her mind. Sometimes that is not the case, if the man messes up (IE cheated, abuse etc..), what’s funny is that type of girl is more likely to give someone a chance that is terrible to them than the one who treats them well. You can be as good to her as possible, and still get tossed.
I was told as she was shuffling me out of the door, I have all the qualities she was looking for in a man. We never fought, but it was her “issue”. I know most people think it isn’t you it’s me is BS, but I might believe it in this case. If a woman is 43 and has been single for 10-years, then yes, it is her. For me there was no reconciling how well we got along and her leaving. No letter, no text, no phone call will change their mind in most cases. When they are done, they are done.
3. I need to learn to Notice the Signs
Even though I thought this relationship was what I wanted, small red flags did emerge, things that I ignored. When someone tells you who they are, listen. There were small conversations like, “we shouldn’t plan a trip that is too far into the future” or telling me she is “guarded” from previous relationships. This woman had issues I decided not to see. One needs to address these early.
Many times, a man doesn’t want to rock the boat, because things are seemingly so good. I was guilty of talking myself out of facing the person she was. If a person has been damaged, they will react irrationally. I let little comments and actions slide, deciding to see what I wanted to. Do not be blindsided, no matter how well things are going keep an eye out for negative patterns.
4. Learned my Own Weaknesses
One of the lessons men learn after a breakup is they (hopefully) figure out their own shortcomings. When I am into someone, I get too into them, and they know it. That is an issue. I let my guard down, thinking we were on the same page, when we weren’t in the same library. If you show your cards too early, even if you believe this person will never leave, they will lose attraction.
Bad mistake. So many people say, “treat them terribly.” I am starting to believe it. If I did anything wrong, I took a woman who has never been treated right and treated her the way (I thought) she deserved. Maybe it was a turn off and she lost interest, maybe she was so screwed up that she didn’t understand it. Whatever the case it worked against me. It was pushing Simp territory, that couldn’t have helped.
I also learned so many of the topics I write about are easier said than done. No, I did not bombard her with text, as mentioned I did write her (twice) one text a week later and an email. I also went on a few dates within the first few weeks, after saying that was a bad idea. There is a reason why I told myself not to do these things. They were all counterproductive.
5. Lessons Men learn after a breakup: I Know more about what I want
It is kind of funny the sh*t I put up with in my previous relationships. This last one showed me a lot of good things. Such as what I need when dating someone. Her actually acting like a partner is one of the top criteria. Before this last one I was married to someone that never wanted to go to social situations and at times even acknowledged my existence. I found I need someone that enjoys acting like a couple.
No, she wasn’t perfect, but this past relationship taught me what I can live with and what I couldn’t. Too many times we jump into something that isn’t good and try to make the best of it. That is a foolish way of thinking. Know what you are looking for and do not settle for less. If you can’t find it, then improve yourself until you can. I am not saying have a list of unrealistic criteria, just do not skimp on the important things.
6. You can’t Save People
Thinking back, it was like I was going to swoop in and be the white knight, a god damn hero. This was to feed my own ego. The last person I dated told me all about how poorly she was treated, I took that as a challenge, “I got you” I thought. Funny thing is, yes, I treated her better than anyone in her life (her words). That didn’t stop her from leaving. You cannot save those who won’t be saved. People mess up their own lives and you cannot prevent it.
I remember I dated an alcoholic once (read more about it here). Having grown up with a drunk I thought I can help. What a dumb thought process. Also, why? People rarely change. They repeat the same patterns from the past. All you end up doing is dragging yourself down. You can’t help people; this is one of those lessons’ men learn after a breakup. Try to be a white night and get stabbed in the front.
7. You Will Live
Honestly, this breakup sucked. I still miss the girl, but it was harder than I thought the first two weeks. Maybe medicating with a random helps a bit, but sometimes you have to roll through it. Then you hit a day where you are like, fine this still sucks, but I can function. This wasn’t my path.
You learn from it, what mistakes did I make? What did I miss? As mentioned in the previous paragraph what is it, I want. Breakups happen, hell they happened to me more than I would like. Sometimes there is closure, sometimes there is not. Sometimes they come back but live your life like they won’t. This isn’t the first time this sh*t happened; it won’t be the last.
Conclusion: Lessons Men Learn after a Breakup
If I learn a lesson every time a woman screws you over, I should be more knowledgeable than f*cking Google. Still don’t let the searing pain go to waste. I am assuming eventually I will meet up with someone worthy. Getting women is a lot easier than most men make it out to be. Don’t waste your time thinking about the wrong one. On the other hand, keeping can be bit tricky. I just need a better vetting process.