I can write a book about the lies that society tells men about relationships. By society I mean the media, schools, entertainment, and every other big organization that influences our lives. So much of what they say about relationships is half-truth or plain dishonesty. Movies for example will paint the hero as a good guy, who are always soft, chasing and swooning over the woman. Other men are portrayed as cheating, womanizers, or abusers. The theme may change, but the narrative is the same; women are the victims, most men are the bad guys or unworthy.
We are told that women are “the prize” and must be earned. This has created a supply of feeble men that get railroaded in relationships. The narrative is twisted or at least incomplete. These lies are fed to not only us but also the women we date, creating entitlement. If you want to know why the dating scene is so screwed up, pay attention to the lies society tells men about relationships.
Lies Society tells men about relationships #1: The Men are The Cheaters
Women and men actually cheat at similar rates, with modern women beginning to cheat more. Yet in the movies, songs and in society in general men are portrayed as the dogs. This is just a lie. Not only do women cheat, but they also find loopholes. My single friends and I are much more likely to be monogamous than many of the women out there. Yes, some men “spin plates” and have multiple women, sure, (the ones I know are honest about it) but most of us are more likely to stay focused on one woman until we keep her, or she messes up.
Women have a roster to do their dirty work and sleep with. Even if they are cheating, they justify it with breaking up for a week or “just kissing”. The words “that doesn’t count” is said by more women than you could imagine. It is my theory many women justify cheating (not all, maybe not even the majority) which lowers the reports. Women cheat or leave just like men, but when they do it is about more than just sex. Yet somehow all men are cheaters.
Lie #2 Men are the Abusers
Let me get this out upfront, I am not saying that there aren’t abusive men. Anyone that hits a woman for no good reason (like protecting a child) needs to be thrown under the jail. My problem is that it isn’t so one sided. Who do you think of when someone mentions domestic violence? Yes, the man. One of the major lies Society tells men about relationships is that we can’t be abused.
There are no good stats as to the number of men who get abused, because men rarely admit it. Many times, if we do we get laughed at, “what did he do”? I was hit in past relationships and no one cared. Do you think anyone cared? If the cops come to your house and a man says he is being hit, they laugh it off. We are told that men are the abusers, but there are abusive people on both sides. Never touch a woman unless under extreme circumstances, also never allow yourself to be abused.
#3 Lie Society tells men about relationships: Shower Her with Affection
I can’t believe how many men actually still fall for this. While reading a Quora answer the other day the guy said “if she didn’t get flowers on the first date, she will get them on the second”. I don’t like to use the word cringe, but f*cking cringe.
The idea that we need to bring them flowers and chocolates or pursue them is nuts. Like buying them things will somehow win them over. All these movies where the sappy guy is chasing after the woman smothering her has created a bunch of unworthy men. Give a woman attention when she earns it, not before. If she is treating you good, show her your appreciation. Do not do it to try to earn her approval. You cannot. What you can do is be someone desirable.
While you are buying this chick flowers and wining and dining her she is texting her, ex that she will be home by 10. You will not win a woman by liking her posts, buying her things, or treating her like a Queen. If you do that for everyone you date all that does is muddy the waters, save it for a woman who deserves it.
#4 Women are The Prize
Be the prize. In a good relationship both people should feel lucky to have the other. You need to work to make yourself the thing worth winning or you will lose her to someone who does. One of those lies that society tells men about relationships is that we need to win the women over. This circles back to my last point, about trying to buy the woman’s love.
If you look at a woman as a prize that needs to be won, stop what you are doing and work on yourself. Be someone that is worth having. Only try to “win” those who try to win you. If you want a decent relationship, never elevate a woman higher than yourself.
#5 Men are More Likely to Breakup their Family
This post feels like it is all over the place, but F*ck it. There is this myth out there that men are breaking up the families. I am part of a group of men going through a divorce. Out of the dozens of men that came in there, maybe two were the ones that ended the marriage. Almost always the wife left, leaving everyone holding the bag.
Stats back me up, over 70% of women initiate divorce. Most of the time it isn’t due to abuse or an affair, it is they get bored and want greener pastures. Meanwhile, people will say “what did you do wrong” to the man. I have been there, dealing with these accusation. Women are far more likely to breakup their family then men, for any reason or no reason at all.
#6 Just Be Yourself
The worst advice anyone tells young men is to “be yourself.” What if you are a overweight, poor, loser who plays video games all day? Better advice is turn yourself into something worth dating. Obviously, be authentic and do not put on a false persona. Turn yourself into the absolute top version of who you are.
What does this mean? Get you sh*t together. You know the drill. Work out, get your money in order and be the prize. Why would you think just being yourself is enough if no respectable woman would want you?
#7 Women Want a Good Man
They say that… all the time. Of course, actions speak louder than words and they choose the highest value man, with the hopes he loves them. Spoiler alert he won’t. The amount of women I watch get strung along, while the “good men” are rejected is astonishing. “Good men” are boring to many women. Putting in effort to be with her having a stable job all of this puts her to sleep.
Women want a strong, well-respected man to treat them well, not just a “good man”. Too many women want the person that will use them and will ignore the man that will be there for them. It is mindboggling. How do you combat this? You can be a good man, and have integrity, but also be strong and interesting. Have your own life. Do not put up with bullsh*t, this does not mean you treat them bad. It means you have standards for the people you let into your life.
#8 Lie: Be Her Best Friend
Your friends are your friends, while she shares many characteristics of a friend, she is your partner. A man should have an inner circle. Men he can trust to help him navigate life. A wife or girlfriend can’t provide this. This is not to say you should put your friends above your wife, it is just that the two are different relationships and should be treated differently.
I do not say the same things to my friend I grew up with as I do to my romantic partners. Contrary to popular belief men and women are different creatures. There are things you just don’t say to your wife/girlfriend that you would say to your friends. Friends will make you a better man, this relationship can’t be replaced by your partner. So keep a group close.
Lie #9 Women Only like Men That Treat Them Like Dirt
Even though they don’t always go for the “good man” simply treating a woman like trash does not work either. Admittedly, this one I am not sure about, judging by the relationships I hear about. Still, this is not a universal truth. The line “Do not be nice to them, women only like men that treat them like dirt”, is too simplistic. It is just that they hate weak, needy men who pamper them. You can be strong and not an arse at the same time. Some women deserve to be treated like garbage (as do some men), but they earn it. They are also the type that shouldn’t be in your life.
If a chick does enough little things to earn me treating her well, then that is what she gets. If she starts responding poorly to that treatment, then she is broken anyway. Most of the men who say this give women needy attention to try to win them. That is not the same as showing appreciation for the good ones.
#10 Lie Society tells men about relationships: You Need One
Relationships are an addition to your life not your entire life. You do not need a woman if they give you too much trouble. One should not be afraid of being alone. Build your life, become successful, then have a woman be an addition to your world.
Everyone thinks they need a partner, if that is a goal fine (it is mine as well). It isn’t a must for success. It feels like everyone tells you “Find a wife” from the media to family. There is nothing wrong with being alone, especially when you are trying to figure out your life. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need a relationship.
That’s about it for this one… It felt like more of a stream of consciousness than a post. We are being fed a lot about relationships, most of the information given is false or incomplete. It outright harms both men and women, do not fall for this propaganda.