As we get older, we get wiser. There was a time in my life when getting a girlfriend was the most important thing to me. I ignored obvious red flags on our first date and paid the price. This post will be geared toward men, but a lot of it could be used for both sexes. Never date an alcoholic, it should be the first rule when picking a mate. It may sound obvious, yet me and thousands of other men (and women) have ended up in this situation.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother and it pretty much destroyed my family. My father, put up with this behavior for too long and his life was hell. My childhood was fairly normal, if the cops coming to your house at 3:00am is normal. Do yourself a favor, it is better to be alone than to date an alcoholic or drug addict. You think I would have learned this earlier, but even after my childhood I was with a crazy drunk for almost a year. I will get to my story later, first things first.
Spotting an Alcoholic
Does your date not have a license at 30? Are there plenty of drinks being consumed on the first date? These are all telltale signs of an alcoholic. I enjoy a good whiskey or two as much as the next guy, Although I am slowing down in my old age (my liver may disagree). If you are dating someone and every date ends with her sloshed do not ignore this. It will only get worse. Really watch how much your date consumes on the first date (man or woman), this says a lot. If she is willing to do this with a stranger, what happens when she is more comfortable?
Also, how did you meet? Was it 1am at a bar and she was still ordering double vodka tonics, it may be a red flag. Of course, you were there also, so maybe watch yourself as well! Another thing to look for is any personality changes when drinking. I am not just talking about being extra chatty or loose. I am talking about violent or obnoxious behavior. If this happens on a regular basis (or more than once) it might be time to run. Anyone you see drunk more than sober is going to be a problem, below are the risks of dating an alcoholic.
#1 Reason to Never Date an Alcoholic: Money
Maybe not the primary reason, but an important point none the less. Dating an alcoholic can be expensive for a variety of reasons. First, alcohol is expensive in general. It my simpier days I remember this woman I was dating racking up a bar bill of almost $400 … she was just buying shots for everyone and 5 for herself. She was a drunk.
Then there is the damage control money. Like I said, I was a simp, so take this with a grain of salt. I remember her crying to pay for a lawyer after she got yet another DUI. Lawyers are expensive. It was that or see her go to jail, I chose to waste my money helping her. I should have let her rot in jail.
Then there is the inevitable damage an alcoholic will cause. Your car, her car, smashing things, it adds up. My mother once crashed our car into our other car, causing $5000 + worth of damages. That and broken lamps and hell medical bills from the injuries it all screws your finances up.
#2 Reason to Never Date an Alcoholic: Stress
Besides the financial cost of dating an alcoholic, there is the stress and embarrassment caused. Constantly making excuses for their poor behavior to your friends and or family is torture. Never knowing if and when there will be a fight because this person is out of their mind is not easy either. The uncertainty of it all can consume your life.
Most of the time they don’t even remember what they did or who they offended. An alcoholic will wake up the next morning like everything is fine. Meanwhile your boss is looking at you sideways because your partner showed her arse at the Christmas party. Never date an alcoholic, it isn’t worth the stress and embarrassment.
#3 Reason to Never Date an Alcoholic: They Can ruin your Life
I have so many different stories on this one from friends and relatives about the utter destruction a person who abuses alcohol has caused. When a female alcoholic inevitably gets violent, who goes to jail? Hint, not the woman? Nope. She can hit you and call the cops, yet no one will believe you are innocent. More likely you as a man will be arrested and thrown out of your house.
Good luck explaining it to your employer. She acts the fool; you lose your job. Never date an alcoholic. Period. Having a relationship with someone like this or god forbid marrying one will destroy your life. It is only a matter of time until she is arrested, you are arrested, there is some kind of fight, or she wakes up under the mailman.
There are too many scenarios to list. My friend was driving his crazy ex-girlfriend home because she was intoxicated, he has a few, but not a lot. He gets pulled over, the cop was ready to let him go. Nope. She jumps out of the car and assaults the cop. They both go to jail, he loses his license and is biking to work. On a positive note he did lose like 30lbs from not driving.
My Story
I had a similar experience with a lunatic. Let me call her JG. My first night of meeting JG she got plastered at dinner. As I am driving home, she calls me from the bar and asks to have more drinks. Of course, I made the mistake of saying yes. So started the previously mention (almost) 1-year relationship. This woman was repeatedly drunk, two or four bottles of wine on a Tuesday was the norm.
The personality changes were evident immediatly. When sober she was pretty nice. Still had a mouth like a trucker, but not too bad. Then the wine took over and she was a f*cking wild card. I was embarrassed on more than one occasion. Accusing me of sleeping with my neighbor and a slew of other things.
Then one day JG left my house plastered, calling me telling me she hit a telephone pole and asking me to come get her. Well, the telephone pole was a minivan with a Hispanic family inside. Yeah, and the cops were already there also. She was going to jail. Happy Thanksgiving. It cost me $1000 to bail her out. I tried to get her help, but after 11-months the last straw was when she hit me.
No one helped. Cops were called on multiple occasions and they were arseholes to me. It is funny how society blames the man, even when the woman is clearly drunk. There were red flags, I feel like a fool now, but it inspired me to write this post.
You Can’t Save Her
Repeat after me. I cannot save a person hell bent on destroying their own life. Never date an alcoholic or drug user with the intention of helping them. That’s a losing game. I know there are stretches of being single and it can get lonely. It is better than dating an alcoholic. The only thing that will happen is you will be brought down as well.
Conclusion: Never Date an Alcoholic
I write this blog to help you avoid the mistakes I made. I feel like there are two types of people you can learn from. Those who are killing it and those who f*cked up and want to help you avoid the mistakes they made. I am clearly the latter in this scenario. I was a fool, but I have seen it a million times with other men as well. Keep an eye on your partners booze habits, they do not get better, they get worse without some real desire to change.