As I sat in traffic this morning, I pondered to myself. Why do I hate corporate life so much? What is it exactly? Two years ago when I was unemployed, this job seemed amazing. It didn’t take me long to get burned out. Driving and fantasizing about this post going viral on Facebook (hint hint…share me) and making a enough money where I never have to work again. At least not in the corporate environment. When did I become so envious of the bartender, construction worker, and plumber? Those are “real” jobs that produce something of value. Why do I stay in this corporate job I hate so dearly? Well that is easy, the money… you see reader I am a prostitute.
I will go into more depth, but the real reason I hate corporate life so much is that little, or no value is being produced in an overly bureaucratic system, surrounded by your average coward who is more interested in looking good than producing something tangible. Kind of a mouthful, I just wanted to sum it up.
Corporate life represents everything I despise. From the environment to the people, and of course the overall mindset. I already discussed the risks for men in corporate life, let me just rant as to what I despise further. I usually do my best work angry, maybe I should grab some Whiskey… oh well, here goes why I hate my corporate job.
#1 Reason I hate My Corporate Job: The People
God, I really hope I hid my name on this site, I can’t remember. Interacting with the people who work in a corporation is depressing. 9-10 hours a day of superficial conversation and business speak. It is enough to drive one insane. Look around at the average corporate man, he is out of shape, weak, and always looks scared. Sucking up the free supermarket cookies that he gets as a reward like he is a fifth grader.
People in corporations always have a dead look in their eyes. Like they aren’t real people, just drones in a video game. They have this deluded idea of their own importance and walk around as such. Listen to someone at a party talking about what they do. Watch as the person they talk to slowly drifts asleep. You see most corporate lemmings do not realize they are only “important” to the other drones of their organization, no one else on earth cares about what they do.
Worse than their total lack of personality is the positioning and arse kissing to get on top. I hate corporate life because these people will take every opportunity to stab you in the back given half the chance. They give fake laughs at the lamest jokes of their superiors while throwing you under the bus to look better. Win the approval of your master good little lap dog. We are all in this together, slowly dying while realizing our dreams are coming to an end, yet instead of working with me they shimmy for position and approval. These are not men (or women) of honor. God, I hate corporate life.
#2 Reason I hate My Corporate life: The feeling of uselessness
I hate corporate life because it feels like we produce nothing. Three major companies and 20 years later, nothing seems to get done. Many will agree, there are few things as unsatisfying as working a corporate job. A welder finishes most days welding. A farmer is growing something. What do I do? Well today I rearranged the wording on a power point, making hours’ worth of revisions. I also moved numbers from one spreadsheet to another, so I can soon put them into a third spreadsheet. Somewhere a product is being built in my company I just know it!
The presentation will be forgotten as soon as it is shown. Maybe discussed for 15-minutes before it is cast a side. The work will be a memory by days end, its only use is to give my boss a false impression that he has a reason for employment. Sure, we can condense it to one page and hit the major points. That would help the company just as much. Then who would be able to present some grandiose PowerPoint to showcase how “valuable” they are?
You see I hate corporate life because it feels like there is no value being produced. We are so far removed from the finished product that there is no connection. No feeling of accomplishment. Sometimes it feels like my job could disappear and no one would notice. Wait that has happened. Not just to me, I have seen it multiple times. Someone leaves and no one does the main task the person was doing. You know what… no one cares either. Corporate life has produced a class of workers that not only feel superior, but also add very little of value.
#3 Reason to Hate the corporate environment: Death by 1000 cuts
You know it isn’t the fact that our Security updated and erased what I was working on for the tenth time this week. Nor the time that our out-of-date system froze up my computer. Nor is it the god-awful smell I get when I walk into the men’s room. It is all of it and so much more: death by 1000 cuts or shall I say annoyances?
It is the little things like that guy talking right behind you or the fifth bake sale email that all build up. Any one of them gets a response like, just ignore it, such a small nuisance. When your day has nothing but small issues then it becomes a big one. All together it just grates on me.
Every unfixed system that crashed an email. Every file that cannot be found is a symptom of a more bureaucratic issue. It also screams “we don’t care”. It is easy to fix so many of these problems, yet management would rather hold some sort of pep rally than solve issues.
There is a mental drain that happens when you work for a corporation that is hard to explain to those who never have. I have worked construction, painting, and many other what I call “real” jobs. Jobs that produce something of value. I am more tired working after a 9-hour shift in my company. These little annoyances all add up and take the life out of me.
#4 Why I hate corporate life: The environment
Only the brain trusts in a corporation can somehow equate looking out a window with a view of a parking lot as a perk. It is hard to imagine a more uninspiring atmosphere than that of a corporation. Everything must be safe. The entire setup adds to the before mentioned drain. I don’t need to work in the Alps, but it is like a Dementor from Harry Potter decorated it, your entire soul leaves your body as soon as you walk in.
Those florescent lights that are in so many middle schools have found their way to your office. The same terrible carpet can be found in most places along with the same god-awful paint job. Cubicles line the office in a way that scream “come on in lemmings!”
Then there is the break room, where all the different “worker’s rights” signs are posted. Dear Government official who dreams them up: Nobody reads them. If this is supposed to be a place for a “break” then I give up. Most don’t even have vending machines anymore, take all the fun out of it why don’t you.
Let us not leave out the bathrooms, perfectly designed to maximize smells and minimize privacy. Corporate offices are not set up for human beings, they are set up for robots (who use the bathroom). From the tacky corporate posters to the dollar store Christmas decorations, it all sends the message… you are nothing but a cog in the machine.
#5 Reason to Hate the corporate environment: It is all fake
Maybe this is the real reason I hate the corporate environment so much, it is all an overhyped illusion. Nothing they do or say has any real substance. To the high ups social virtue signaling, to the financials, everything seems like it is made up. It is all a game to make somebody look better.
Anyone with half of a brain should see right through their pathetic attempts to put the company in a good light. No they don’t care about your work life balance. No, they do not care about diversity. They care about looking good. The underlings want to look good for their manager. The managers want to look good to the executives, the executives to the CEO. OF course, the CEO has to kiss the arse of the media and shareholders, all to keep the machine afloat. They say what they are supposed to say, the safest most socially responsible thing. What the sheep want to hear.
Have you ever heard this saying “my job is to make my boss look good”. Think about that. How is that a job? How can anyone feel any satisfaction working in that type of phony environment? You cannot. This is why I feel like I do about corporations, because they do not live in reality.
Conclusion: Why I Hate the Corporate Environment
Admittedly I am burnt out, after two more years of corporate BS, I have less and less energy to do my job. My actual job is fine, the things that help make the company money (when doing them). It is the above I hate. I have more, which you will get. For now, if someone asks, Why do you hate the corporate environment send them this post.