I hate life. That is a huge statement. Yet this is exactly what I said to myself the other morning. I stopped and thought about it and yes, I hate my life, not being alive, just my present situation. It has been more than two years since I started this blog. Since my entire life imploded. After losing my job, wife, home, and dog, I have come a long way. My current job pays much more and for a time I was teasing repairing the relationship I lost.
Yet still I hate life. My job though it pays more, is a major source of stress. I hate corporate life in general so that doesn’t help. Besides getting reengaged to my ex (then once again breaking up), I have not even dated much in the last two years. I put a lot of effort in, and although better off, I am not in a content place. You didn’t come here to find out about why I hate life, you want to know how to fix yours. Before I start giving my two cents if you are seriously depressed and want to harm yourself in any way this is not the place for you click here. Believe me I have been there and finding the right person to talk to can make all the difference.
This is for men that just feel stuck. Yes, this blog is geared toward men, I believe these rules are universal. Just warning you in case you jump to other posts! Things need to be fixed, and nobody is going to fix them but me. I will show you the process I am using now I admitted out loud I hate life, hopefully this will help give you a blueprint. This is how I am reacting to the statement that I hate life.
First: Take Full Responsibility if you Hate your Life
I have a running theme, if you hate life, it is up to you to fix it. Accept the reality of the situation and figure out what to do to make it better. Obstacles will be put in front of you, because nothing of value comes easy. If you blame outside forces for your own misery, then you will wait for outside forces to fix things.
Today we love to justify the our situation by blaming something else. Yes, the world is difficult, that doesn’t change the fact that you are responsible if you hate life. The universe does not care what happens to you. Making excuses might help you save face and make you feel better for a little while but it will lead to long term unhappiness. When you make excuses, you are not fixing the problem. Be in the minority, stop being lazy, stop making excuses and take full responsibility. It starts there. One thing I know about myself, it is my fault I am in this situation, and I am the only one to fix it.
Do You Know What You Want?
If you hate your life, what will make you not hate life? What exactly do you hate about this gift we are given? Your job, relationship status, where you live? Ok, great now what do you want? Not what you are told to want, not what looks good on paper, what will fulfill you most? This all must done within the confines of reality of course. If you want to be a professional basketball player and you are five feet tall, well maybe scratch that goal.
Perhaps the better way to say it, what do you want that is obtainable? If you don’t know what you want then you will always hate life, because you will just get whatever you fall into. If I get in the car and start driving who the hell knows if I end up at a suitable destination.
You need to take some time and really think about what it is you really want out of life. Every aspect. How you look, what skills you have, your career relationship etc. Somehow people have hours to spend watching TV and surfing social media, but can’t take any time to figure out what they really want. What you want will change over time, but you need to have something to aim toward.
Zero in on it
You need to be specific and set up goals not pie in the sky ideas. I want to “not be broke” isn’t a plan. Saying, I would like X career, and this is how I will get there is a plan. Just wanting to lose weight or look better is fine, but not the end game. What gets measured gets accomplished so setup a specific measurements.
These measurements also must be under your control. I can set up the goal for this site for example of 50K page views a month, but that is not entirely up to me. What is up to me is writing three new posts a week…. that I can control. Even with losing weight, you might not be able to pinpoint the exact amount to lose, but you can work out daily and eat a specific number of calories. Set up a goal, and set up actions behind that goal. Readjust when need be.
Clean Up the Obvious Messes first
If you hate life, I am willing to bet most areas are a train wreck. Look around at your living space, how do you feel about it? If you are living squallier then that will shine through in other aspects of existence. It is surprising how just a little change, a clean car, replace worn out clothes or cleaning your house will change your perspective. Admittedly I am stealing some of this from Jordon Petersons whole clean your room chapter, but there is a lot of truth to it.
There is something about momentum it helps good things feed off themselves. Once I get myself off the couch and turn off YouTube I start to feel better about my day. A workout will lead to a better eating, while I am up, I might as well straighten my house out. After all the obvious things are accomplished, I am not so overwhelmed, I can work on my broader goals.
Look around, you know what needs to be fixed. Clean the damn dishes, make your bed, and get some sanity in your space. I can’t imagine a situation where you skip this step. Landing your dream job doesn’t seem possible if you can’t take a second to do the most basic things. Little by little you will stop saying I hate life.
Create a Plan (and Stick to It)
Once you know what is wrong and what you want, figure out how you are going achieve your desired outcome specifically. This will not be perfect, but it will have you moving in the right direction. Given that I am in finance I put everything into a spreadsheet. My four pillars of areas I f*cked up that need fixing. Health/fitness, money this includes everything from career to any side hustle. Relationships and personal development. I pick the items that are most pressing, and I break things down further into actionable steps.
Having things listed out to where I can pinpoint the issues helps me put things into order. You will realize quickly what the real issues are and can form a path to solve them. There is always something that can be done to move you forward. Unless you’re reading this from prison, you could do a lot to make your life better. Write it out, break it down into smaller actionable items and keep moving until you are in a better place in that section. Which brings me to my next point.
Daily Habits
I know this sounds like a Cliché’ YouTube channel, but you need to make progress every day. Ask yourself what must be done daily that will bring you closer to your goal? I don’t know you, but you aren’t winning the lotto, so I guess you must put in the work to make things better. You know the drill, hate the way you look, workout and eat right daily. Hate your job? How many resumes did you send out today? It is obvious what needs to be done, yet important things are always pushed off until tomorrow. Even if you don’t, start anyway, the path may show itself. At the very least you will know what doesn’t work. Really what else are you doing, besides wallowing in your own misery?
Another cliché, time goes by quickly. Think about where you will be if you do not make excuses and put in the work to the goal your are aiming at. Two to three hours at a time every day will drive you far. Or sit around complaining for a couple of years, the universe doesn’t care.
Stop Wasting Time
I don’t have time to do “X” is the biggest excuse I hear. It is a rare person these days who doesn’t have time, people just aren’t paying attention to where it is spent. The average person spends over 5 hours a day watching TV. Stop with the I don’t have time crap. Do not get me started on the Facebook, Instagram or reading blogs by obnoxious men such as this one. Look at your schedule, be honest, are you really so busy you can’t fix things that make you hate life?
“I am too tired, I deserve a break”, “I work so hard it is time to relax”. Fine say all these things, but your life will still suck next year at this time. If you do not think your goals are important, no one else will. Everyone gets tired and unmotivated, think of your same lousy situation never changing and use that to drive you into action.
Other people will try to zap your time. You need to set up unbreakable boundaries. Unless your kid falls off the roof, nothing is more important than what you are trying to achieve. If you work out at 6:30 every night, then when Suzy asks you to go for Mocktails you say no. F*ck Suzy, you don’t want to hear her bitching anyway. Your time needs to be focused on fixing things.
Go Further Than You Intended
It is easy to get some level of success and stop. I believe this is the wrong approach. If you want more money, and you all of a sudden get a nice pay raise, keep striving for more. Don’t just stop when you get comfortable. I sincerely believe the secret to enjoying your life is accomplishment. You need to build on past successes. I am not saying never stop to smell the roses, just do not get complacent. This will help avoid slipping back to your old ways.
There is a reason why people like Warren Buffet keep working and building. He doesn’t even spend the money he is making, rather it is the process of building that keeps him happy. What I am saying is never be satisfied. Rest when you must, just never stop aiming at a goal.
If You Hate Your Life Only You Can Fix it
That’s the whole point of this post I guess that it is my responsibility. I woke up and said I hate my life, yes… now what? Blaming the government, society, my ex, my job does nothing. Blaming myself is very freeing. Yes, I made mistakes, and I will again. Recognizing I am to blame for my situation means I can fix it. I am not going to care about other people and the obstacles they put in my path. I will fix my life. Maybe this post was hokey, or you loved it, either way let me know in the comments.