I really didn’t want this to be a dating advice site, but I am getting so much material as of late. The more friends I talked to (and the more women I meet) the crazier the stories that come about. Relationships are hard these days, harder than they need to be. I asked the question here if women are worth the trouble, because at the time even I was fed up. It has only been downhill from there. I thought I had a good one, but I was recently reminded once again why single men are giving up on dating.
This is not meant to be an anti-women post or even an anti-dating post. I still believe relationships can work. Having said this, the dating world, especially in the last 3-5 years has changed. It is as if there is simultaneously a huge uptick in jaded, hurt women and lonely men. So many guys I know just checked out, the damage done to them was too great.
So why are single men giving up on women? The reason is simple, the game is rigged against us, “us” meaning the men who are looking for relationships. They have been hurt and degraded to the point where it just isn’t worth it anymore. All the time watching those who juggle multiple women thrive. Even the best of us know dating is risky, so much can go wrong.
This in a nutshell is why single men are giving up on dating. I never do anything condensed so I will write out a list and you can relate and chime in. Maybe some women can read this and understand the cesspool that they helped create. Why good men have checked out and why the ladies keep ending up with arseholes.
The Average (or Even Above Average Man Feels Rejected)
Dating sites have made it impossible for a lot of men. It is difficult for me at times, and I play the game decently. One woman I went out with admitted, even a below average girl has 100 guys in her queue. Of course, they will continue to trade up. Ask any man how many women he has to choose from, two or three at a time is nice. I can quote the studies like this one here, that points out 80% of women go for the top 20%.
The women wonder why they keep getting cheated on. They pick only the best of the best, leaving other quality men behind, so many good-looking dudes, that are looking for a relationship, with good jobs are just not finding any matches. I wrote an article here “why are so many young men single”, basically stating this point. All the women want the top dog, (or the guy who convinces them he is). Unfortunately, not all of us can make 400K and have a six pack. I am not giving men an out to be useless. Still, ladies stay at your level, there needs to be a point of good enough.
Women Cheat as Much as Men (or more)
I am quoting an article here, which states that women are now more likely to cheat then men. This can be confirmed by many of the guys I meet. Just last week a friend of mine’s twenty (plus) years marriage ended, of course not by his choice, but he paid the price. He suspected his wife was cheating most of the time.
There is nothing more degrading to a guy than being cheated on. Yet it is so commonplace that it is becoming excused or even encouraged (for woman). Men are giving up on dating because even if he does get someone, getting cheated on is all too possible.
There Are Limited Options
I heard the ratio of men to women on dating sites is something like 70% to 30%. I am sure that is not even taking into consideration how many fake scammers profiles are out there. Everywhere I go, parties, bars, or festival, it seems like it is a sausage fest. The reason why single men are giving up on dating is the numbers are working against us.
I can do fine when I am in person with a woman, but it is like finding Big foot. I know they make up 50% of the population, but I must be going to the wrong areas. Women have a million choices; men feel as if they are digging for scraps. It is just easier to stay single.
The Choices we do have are Terrible
Men and women in this country have let themselves go. The ugly to attractive ratio is very unfavorable. Almost everyone is fat, dresses poorly, and has questionable hygiene. Unfortunately, given there are less women out there we are forced to date down.
I have no problem dating someone slightly less attractive than me (OK a little problem). They have to be at least somewhat attractive. Even that is hard to find. Add to this they have the personality of a hyena, and it is just too much effort. There are few girls out there, and many of the ones that are out there are not worth pursuing.
Why single men are giving up on dating: Nice Guys Finishing Last
The nice guy syndrome or being too available is killing dating for men. Yes, too many men are bending over backwards to please women, but these days being decent is looked upon as being “too nice.” No one should elevate a woman to a status above themselves. That isn’t always what is happening. Women are so screwed up that unless they are given a nightly back hand we are “too nice.”
Men are sick of hearing “all men are assholes” only to get into the friendzone. I just went on a few dates with a girl who stayed years with an ex-boyfriend who was a drug addict and stole money from her. Then she turns around and attempts to friendzone me (told her I have enough friends). This was not a 9 or a 10, rather a 6 after 3 beers. She was a train wreck and her choices confirmed this.
We Like Our Freedom
Did you ever think men are rejecting the dating scene because the juice isn’t worth the squeeze? I like to play poker on Thursdays. Hit the gym when I want. Pick up random girls. All this is fun. Yes, a meaningful relationship would be nice, but since women have made it so difficult, I will settle for enjoying my time and money without them.
There is something to be said for doing whatever the hell you want whenever you want it. I see too many guys get bossed around by their wives and girlfriends. I do think a relationship is worth it, I am just not going to sell my soul to get one.
They Have been Ruin by Women
A lot of men these days have been burned one too many times. Whether it is being cheated on or broken up with for no good reason, it is a reoccurring theme. How many times do you have to stub your toe before you turn on the light. My last two breakups were extremely painful. It certainly made me more gun-shy in the future.
Go through enough of these and it starts to hit your self-esteem. Yes, you can “work on yourself” and always should. Even at one’s best we can be blindsided. I work with a group of divorced men, most of their stories are gut-wrenching they readily admit to never wanting to date again.
Lack of Effort from Women
Another reason why single men are giving up on dating is the nonexistent effort of their partners. This is a big one for a lot of us. Women truly do not give two sh*ts these days. We are always expected to pay, yes, some reach for the check, but let them grab it and you never see them again. Women contact men less and are more entitled than ever. I match their energy, if it fizzles, I am out. The problem is they get attention from 1000 different men. They think there is no need for effort.
These same women go on to complain there aren’t any good ones left. It is like they say, “We tried nothing, and it didn’t work.” Part of me is done with the flakes. I am not trying to ‘earn” love from some 40-year-old real estate agent. If you are good to me, I will give you all the attention you need, but I am not diving for someone who doesn’t put in the effort.
It is Expensive
Let’s face it, men make the investment in the relationship. The first date is usually paid for by the man. I am under the belief that the person doing the asking should pay. Since 99 times out of 100 the man asks the woman, we are always paying.
Well, that isn’t cheap. The other night I took this chick to an Italian restaurant. It was mediocre, like most of my area. I wasn’t even drinking, and the bill was $130. That’s fine but do that 5-6 times a month and it is almost a mortgage on a rental property.
Given we make the investment, the women do not have any skin in the game. How many stories like this one do we need to hear? Women will go out with someone just for a free meal. We invest our hard earn money for someone who has no interest. I am better off paying a hooker.
Marriage is Too Risky
A lot of men do not want to date today because the idea of marriage is too risky. Most divorces are started by women, yet the laws are against men. How many times do we need to see our friends fight to see their kids or lose more than half their money before we get the hint?
I am not one of those people who think marriage should be avoided. Having said this, I do, however, understand why some people think this way. I went through a divorce, I lost a lot, more than just money. Many men think dating should lead to marriage; they do not want to go down that road.
Men Are Sick of the Games
Even if a woman wants to be with you, there are plenty of hoops to jump through. One major reason why single men are giving up on dating is we are done with the games. People, both men and women treat dating like some type of battle of wills. Women are especially bad with this. Telling a guy, she isn’t interested then being pissed when he doesn’t pursue her. All this hot and cold BS gets old. I do not remember these issues when I was younger, maybe TikTok has screwed things up.
We have lives to live, we do not have time to deal with someone who is hot one minute cold the next. So, I will ask, why can’t things just be simple? Why do we have to jump through hoops to go on a date? Why are we being stood up at the last minute? Lastly, why do you pop back into our lives after leaving? Just some things for you women to ponder.
Women are Sharing Men
There are less opportunities because women would rather share a “quality” guy then date a regular one. Sometimes they know about it, others, they do not. Everyone thinks they deserve the cream of the crop. This creates a market where the top 5% get all the action. Personally, I am up for this challenge, but it does create a situation where you can’t fall off your game for a second.
We all know the story of the married guy with a girlfriend on the side. When a guy has three women it screws up the ratios. If you can do it more power to you, but since ladies are more and more likely to aim for the top, those at the bottom get screwed.
Men Are Sick of Being Blamed for the Worlds Problems
A reason why single men are staying single is too many times in a relationship we are the bad guy. Obviously if we cheat, we are wrong. On the other hand, if the woman cheats, we didn’t give them enough attention (according to society). We can’t clean well enough, we don’t help out enough, the nagging goes on and on.
It feels like everywhere one turns the men are the bad guys, so it is easier to just check out. No matter how much we try (and yes, not all of us do) it isn’t good enough. We hear it from society, from work how women are both simultaneously strong and brave while also the perpetual victim of the “patriarchy.” There comes a time when it is just easier to stop dating.
Men have Dropped the Ball
This one is on (many) of us. Many men are forced into being single because they have nothing to offer. It is like they failed to realize there is another human being on the opposite side of the relationship. If you want a woman, be something worth dating.
Yes, it is difficult to find a good one, but if you have any chance of finding someone worth being with you need to level up. You know the drill, get your money right, lose the belly, hit some weights etc… Trust me, Call of Duty will be there when you return.
Men Want Peace
This all adds up to men wanting a more peaceful life. Dating has become toxic for us. So many guys are sick of being rejected, mocked, tricked and told we are the problem. It isn’t worth it. We hear your message and are listening, isn’t that what you always wanted from us, to listen?
This goes to the root cause of why single men are giving up on dating. All the effort and sacrifice are wasted. Women you have destroyed the dating pool. Of course, we helped. There are a bunch of terrible dudes out there as well. Ladies always seem to pick those guys. Then treat the people who care like crap. Well, you win. So many of us are building our bank accounts and bodies, maybe sleeping with the occasional 2 am bar girl. Dating just ruins our peace, you need to change unless you want this trend to continue.
Conclusion: Why Single Men are Giving up on Dating
I still think the game is worth playing, but I understand why so many men are staying single. It feels like it is rigged. Too many times we are the bad guys, or we are paying for women’s poor choices. A good relationship could be rewarding, but the costs are getting increasingly too high.