My original article discussing why you should never date single mothers was a smash hit, yet I deleted it. No, I didn’t start dipping my toe in the mommy pool. I just think The tone got harsh, and I wanted to clean it up a bit. Maybe I am getting soft in my old age, but this post is not really a knock-on single mother’s. It is why most men should never date a single mom. I do not hate them; I am looking out for any poor sap making this mistake. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze when it comes to dating single moms.
The fact that a woman has kids without a partner doesn’t make her a bad person in and of itself. There are plenty of situations where they get screwed (literally and figuratively) by some guy leaving them holding 50lbs of a crying mess. This is not an attack on single mothers, no need to bash them. They aren’t (all) bad people, they just make terrible partners (more often than not).
Now that I said that, no, a childless man should never date a single mother. Unless you are just having fun, there is no reason to complicate your life like this. I have done it; it rarely works out well. Even at my age of 47 there are plenty of women without kids. Yeah, childless women in their late 30’s-40s’ have their own set of problems, but oh well. Let me give you the 12 Reasons why you should never date single mothers
1 Why you Should Never Date Single Mothers: All the Responsibility, none of the Discipline
Imagine this scenario, little Jonny hits you in the back of your head with his sippy cup and tells you to f*ck off. Now of course if that was my kid a backhand would be a-comin. No, not here, little Jonny could do no wrong in mommies eyes and we aren’t allowed to discipline him. These kids can walk all over you and you can’t say a damn thing.
You are not supposed to discipline another person’s child, regardless of how bad they are behaving. Now, on the other hand, mom is getting tequila with the girls, you have to babysit. Little Jonny’s fat arse needs a ride to soccer practice so he can sit on the sidelines. It’s all you. You see you are responsible for this kid, but you can’t discipline him.
It is like if you are at a museum and he breaks something, you are paying. How did he get that way in the first place? No rules were put on him. It is the worst of both worlds. You are only there when it is convenient for the single mother. Don’t date a single mother and put yourself through that.
2 Dealing with Fathers
As mentioned, try disciplining another man’s kid and see how it turns out. Even outside of that do you really want to see the man who banged your girl stopping by your house and rummaging through your things? Eighty percent of the time the guy is rightfully bitter because the courts took his kids from him. You’re some dude that is getting in the way of a happy family.
Playing stepdaddy might seem cute until you realize the real dad is over there. I have never seen the situation be a good one. There is always animosity between the dad and the new guy. This may be your home, yet someone else has a say as to how it is run, I’ll pass on that one.
3 They Have No Time
I like dating women without kids, I want a drink on a Tuesday morning, I call her and say let’s roll. If I want to go away for the weekend, it is not a problem. Try this with a single mommy. Nope there is a PTA meeting or some stupid cr*p like that. The same thing would happen if it was your kid, but it is your kid.
It is like planning the invasion of Normandy if you want to go on a date. We need a babysitter or check with the kid’s dad. There is always something. Not having the time for you is yet another reason why you should never date single mothers.
4. The Kids Always Come First.
Go on a dating site and read the profiles of single mothers. First sentence is “I have three kiddos (women please stop saying that) who always come first”. Just what I want, someone in my life who is already putting others in front of me.
Can I put other people in front of her…. OHHHH NO. Kids are different. Agreed, they are. So, I will pass on playing second fiddle. Their feelings matter more. Their time matters more, and she will always do what is best for them, even at the expense of you. You aren’t a partnership. You are a sap. Do not sign up to be second (or third, fourth, f*ck even the dog is probably more important than you) just go with a childless woman.
5. Don’t Date Single Moms: You Might Like (and lose) the Kid
Picture this scenario, little Jonny isn’t an arse hole but a good kid. You date his mother and you’re one big happy family. Everything is going great, you play catch, walk him to his school bus, take him to strip clubs, you know whatever it is fathers and sons do. Then BAM. Mom wants to trade up.
What chance do you have of ever seeing that kid again? None. Hell, if a biological father could be forced to go months if not years without seeing his kids, you will never see him. Everyone focuses on the burden a kid brings, but if you actually start to treat him like family, his loss will hurt just as bad. Now you have to deal with losing the girl and the kid. This after you put in the effort.
6. The Mother might Have Questionable Morals
This one will piss off some of the mothers, but the truth is the truth. Don’t date single mothers because some have questionable morals. Yes, NOT ALL DO, every circumstance is different, but they definitely lean towards bad choices, if not disgusting behavior.
To start with, they may have picked the wrong person to have kids with one (or many) terrible dudes. Now they are settling for you. This does not mean they will stop sleeping with these other guys, just that they are settling. Already they have poor judgement. A second scenario is they broke up a happy family to see what else is out there. Most divorces are caused by women and no the men aren’t (all) terrible. The women get bored and want to “live their best life”. No one needs that kind of person. Yes, there are other scenarios, but the above are all too common.
7. Money
Who wants less money? I mean a lot less. Anyone who takes on the “responsibility” of being a stepdad. If you’re a single dude, why are you wasting your money on someone else’s kids. I can’t tell you how many people who I ran into that are dealing with fathers that do not pay for anything. Even if they do the mother will use the child support to buy clothes and make you buy groceries. It is madness.
Every vacation, every movie night there are one, two, or three extra mouths to feed. Who do you think is ponying up for a babysitter? I have even heard of women that try to get their DATES to pay for a sitter. Nope, not my mistake, not my responsibility. Don’t date single mothers unless you hate watching your bank account grow.
8. You Are an Outsider
Let’s face it, you are the odd man out in any relationship with a single mother. The kids want the family the way it was. They have a history. You do not. You’re just some dude stepping into a place the kids don’t want you to. You will always be an outsider.
When you are cast aside, you are alone. The kids will forget about you. I cannot imagine a relationship where there is a unit, and I am on the outside of this unit. Hell, even the cat will look at you as someone weaseling into their territory. F*ck the pets and the feeling of being an onlooker, Start your own unit.
9. Proof of Her Past
This one might be more specific to me, but I am a bit jealous. I know most of the women these days have a body count higher than Rambo, but I do not need proof. Do we really need the trophy of her former man’s conquests sticking their hands in your cereal box? Everyone has a past; I do not need to see it.
10. Why you Don’t Date Single Mothers: Too Many Complications
All of this leads to too many complications. Kids complicate life. You accept that when they are yours, this is the unit you created. Why sign up to be distracted by another’s issues? Relationships work best when they are easy. Yes, there will always be tough times, but someone else’s kids make them tougher.
You’ll know where you stand or what your place is. Your life, goals, dreams come second to people who can be ripped from you. All of this blended family cr*p is a lie. Your parents, relatives and friends will never look at them like they are yours. All you get is a complication if you sign up to be with a single mother
11. You Could Be Legally Responsible
Say you are merely dating a woman, move her and her spawn into your home. Things are going great until you catch her in a three way with the neighbor and the guy who works at Starbucks. She moves out, case closed right… Not so Fast.
I pulled this definition from this site here: Because of this, a legal parent who is not biologically related to the child but has played a significant role in the child’s life may be responsible for child support if they divorce or separate from the child’s biological parent. Other terms for this would be “equitable paternity,” and “parentage by estoppel.” Obviously, each state has different laws, I am saying it is a possibility.
If you played a “significate role” (wtf does that mean), you could be held responsible. Sounds fair right? Of course you will never see the kid again but your wallet is smaller. The laws are never on the side of men. Just another risk to dating a single mother.
12. You Will Never Be Their Father
This one will hurt. You aren’t their dad. You will never be their dad. I know someone who calls them “his kids.” They call him by his first name. No matter how many lifetime movies say otherwise, you are not their father.
This is especially true when the dad is in the picture. He will always be number one. No matter how many Playstations you buy or trips to the zoo you make. That’s their dad… and most likely that is who they want tucking them in at night.
It gets even more painful with your woman. If you and her never have kids she will have a bond with her ex that you cannot match. The father of her kids. You are always running behind. Do not fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
Conclusion: 12 Reasons Why you Should Never Date Single Mothers
That is my revamp version of why you should never date single mothers. There are exceptions perhaps, and I will mention them in another post. For now, if you can avoid it, do not be a piggy bank for a single mother. Find a younger woman you can grow your life with.